Who will be the 44th President of the United States?
COVER:
Cover Photo by The Alchemist
CORRECTIONS:
The corrections slowly trickled in over the week.
This is a tight race. If one more issue of the Alchemist goes by uncorrected, then you’re all out of a Reader’s party. You only have to find one typo and send it in to make sure the game continues.
Now, do everyone a favor and grab that red pen!
ALCHEMIST - 45 READERS - 130
By Mark Hadley
If you were the last person in the world
i would not eat you
until perfectly seasoned
and basted
with butter and tarragon
——————————————
if you know somone, are with someone
who becomes envious of your time
spent pouring over words,
Kill them
go to jail
perhaps for the rest of your life
but you will have the time and space
to write in peace
at last.
———————————-
A human heart ten miles across could not continue beating with the hole i bear.
The bear is dead and that’s a very nice hat. Can i borrow it?
The hunter who shot the bear, his name is Frank.
Frank is in love with a lesbian.
The lesbian dreams of a human heart ten miles wide and the hat it wears.
————————————
What madness we must carry
to think such things.
From where i sit
there are ugly whispers
i notice them
slippery and vaginal
inviting you, and your brother.
Resist.
PAGE 2
SIX TRACK/SIX PACK
The mission of The Master Sommelier is to introduce the people to new and unique combinations of song and drink. My hope is that the pairings will excite and enliven the soul through total sensory exposure. Emergence theory (www.wikipedia.org) explains that sometimes when seemingly simple components are combined together they produce an entity that is greater than the sum of its parts. This applies to all kinds of things from ant colonies to economics, but most importantly…booze and music. That is where I come in.
What we are trying to accomplish here is harmony of the head, with the taste buds and ear drums dancing together. Their gyrations should stir the pleasure spots in between and awaken the soul to the sensations that are flowing into its various orifices. When this occurs, the warming effect of the alcohol will kick in and spread, performing the final movement in this symphony of the soul and body.
This week, instead of entire albums, we’re gonna get down on the floor and back to basics with a grouping of six songs and six drinks. Portable and potable, take them with into the woods with your iPod, take them into your home or better yet put them on a loop and buy four mixed six packs, get some friends and really tie one on.
You can find the music online at Myspace for free, or on iTunes for six bucks. You can get the drinks from Joel down at Corvallis Brewing Supply on 4th St. If these songs don’t inspire a boogie in all your woogies, the next drink is on me…seriously. -Stanley Tollet
David Bowie - Starman/Thomas Hardy’s Ale Vintage 2004
This is the beer I want to be drinking the day we make contact with extraterrestrials. As soon as I pour it I know this is something very, very special. It smells like the sweetest, freshest loaf of bread in the world. It tastes rich, fruity, wonderfully unique. Thick and syrupy with a robust flavor, it has a warming effect on my throat. This is definitely not your average beer.
David Bowie and Hardy’s Ale are both equally strange and awesome. It has a mild teriyaki-type smell that mystifies me. Very potent. This beer illuminates the subtle changes in his inflection that make this song great. Bowie moves from soft story telling to quirky exclamations and then straight into the stratosphere for the chorus.
The beer has power. It’s oddness is part of it’s greatness. This is a sipping beer. It prepares you for something, fortifies you. If you did encounter an alien while drinking this beer, I don’t think you would be startled or frightened in the slightest, you might just smile and start some form of rudimentary communication. If it were a female alien you would definitely hit on her. This beer puts you in the mood to spread love to the edges of the universe.
Ratatat - Wildcat/Oud Beersel Kriek
This almost doesn’t taste like beer. It would definitely appeal to people that normally eschew beer. It has a bubbly almost champagne quality. Upbeat with a fruitiness that is clean without being overly sweet. It has a noble, cherry tingle that energizes. The musical partner is strangely alluring, with shifting sections that intersperse synthesizer and guitar riff sections but syncopate nicely, just like the flavors of the beer seem to shift about subtly while still maintaining a constant theme.
This pair gets your head bobbing and your feet moving. This refreshing drink is something that you could really get into after a seriously intense dance session. You taste it more on the roof of your mouth than on the tongue for some weird reason, which is cool. Its sweetness isn’t overpowering. Darkish reddish hue, with a smattering of a head in its Chalice, as all Belgium beers are rightfully consumed in.
Throughout the song, the Wildcat, a noble and sexy creature, is heard growling. The song starts off slow and unassuming, then ROOAAR, the cat begins to groove. Twangy synthesizers and whining guitar accents, then growl into something else.
The Beersel tingles the cheeks. Its sweet strangeness and consistent juiciness lubricate the track’s transitions. This combo could smooth out even the most uptight pussycat into a purring, grooving dance floor cheetah. Fizzy and upbeat with a slowly evolving buzz that doesn’t leave you drained and dizzy. A new and foreign experience, one that will surely linger on your taste buds and in your head.
Brother Ali - Chain Link/Reissdorf Kolsch
Kolsch has a very light taste. It is slightly tangy with a mild fruity aftertaste. Extremely smooth, you could definitely drink this beer all day long. It has a very clean taste. It is the color of wheat, a very light yellow. I can feel it relaxing my muscles almost instantly. I’m bobbing my head to the music now, really getting into the lyrics.
Chain Link is a song about the struggles of the world. Its lyrical depth requires a beer that is simple and consistent. A complex drink might distract some valuable brainpower from a story-line that requires your full attention.
The Kolsch provides a baseline flavor that is as steady and constant as the song’s. It keeps your heart and stomach warm while you listen to Brother Ali preach about the ills of modern urban life and the world.
It has a warm and filling buzz. You are still alert yet the best parts are numb and slightly fuzzy. His words truly resonate. You begin to empathize with these people, their struggle…our struggle. It texturizes your mouth with the a velvety rubberiness.
This ultra smooth beer is like liquid muscle relaxant. It provides a nice mellow body and mind buzz, without compromising your ability to understand the lyrics or your surroundings.
Pepper - Ashes/Route des epices
This beer is spicy. A slightly sweet aroma at first, but then comes the spicy kick that is the signature of this delicious beer. It’s brewed with peppercorns, and the band’s name is Pepper. It’s a bit cliche’ but something must work cosmically about it.
It all seems to add up when you are drinking/listening. The catchy guitar and upbeat singing about a less than blissful topic are nice contrasts. This beer intensifies that dynamic with the playfully stinging spices that linger between sips.
If you are looking to burn it down, like the song suggests, then Route des epices is a great choice. This beer will certainly light that little fuse that hangs in the back of each of our throats, and help us burn to ashes any troubles that might be weighing us down.
This rye beer is tasty and unique. It liquifies what the song is trying to capture, a lingering burn that takes with it all your sadness.
Jimi Hendrix - Gloria/Duchesse de Bourgogne
“Let me try this…”, Hendrix says at the start of this classic cover track. Those words begin a drinking/listening experience that is totally immersing. This Belgian beer, named after a young Duchess who died tragically in a horse riding accident, comes in a giant champagne type bottle.
The song begins with a deep bass groove, then the drums enter and then…JIMI at his best, whaling, just laying into that guitar. He simmers, like the notes can’t get out fast enough. This beer’s taste is so complex I don’t know if I am able to register all of the flavors that are packed into it. There is a sweetness, a heartiness, a dark brooding hidden somewhere in there.
The Duchess seduces your taste buds like the mysterious groupies and girlfriends of the song. The groove is sexy as hell. This beer is sexy as hell. Sweet but not candy, dark without being heavy. It lingers on the palette and begs for another sip, like a woman/man you just cannot keep your hands off of.
Hold this beer up to the light and tilt the chalice a little. The coloration goes from a brunette, to a red head, to a blonde and then white??? Wait a minute, thats one too many groupies in the bus, or maybe just enough.
Swigging straight out of the bottle (sorry Joel) gives you a much frothier and harder hitting gulp. This is the way I imagine Jimi would have drank it. When someone comes up to your room and offers themselves to you there is no time for a chalice, you must grab hold of that damn bottle and chug. An electric buzz is coming on.
The chord progression in this song is strong and pure, they say that it’s a favorite for beginning guitar players because the three chord progression is so simple to learn. Hendrix turns the simple into the sublime. This beer is as complex as Gloria’s chords are simple. It can shift from a tingly sweet to an earthy coffee, chocolate flavoring almost instantly. This is a beer you could drink a hundred times and taste something different every time.
Willie Nelson & Merle Haggard - Pancho and Lefty/Vigarosa
This beer has a sharp bite that tingles the entire mouth. It has an earthy, stinging taste and is slightly tangy. It has a gritty rawness. A man’s beer, a Latin gunfighter’s beer.
Willie Nelson is one of the greatest balladeers in history. His honey twang contrasts with the sharp crispness of the beer. This song is a magnificent story about two partners that meet a tragic and wistful end. The strumming guitar chord progression enhances the tragic nature of the song. This is one of those contemplative, somber drinking songs.
Vigarosa, an unfiltered wheat doublebock, is a Brazilian beer that is almost twice as strong as your average beer. It has tropical flavors and a sharpness that enlivens the mouth. The beer has a muddled, brownish coloration, a little like the dirt that Pancho bit down south and consequently ended up in Lefty’s mouth.
This beer and song unfold through the drinking process. At first it is biting and tingly, becoming mellower as it warms in the glass. Willie’s spectacular voice triggers an even deeper emotional response after a few sips. I begin to taste a mild fruitiness. The somber incantations are haunting and beautiful.
The song, in this case, is the stronger of the two with the beer acting as a sort of contemplative assistant. Its strength helps anchor the song in your mind. It leaves a somewhat bitter taste in your mouth, so does the song. It certainly gets the job done, It did what it had to do…just like Lefty.
The combination leaves you relaxed and wondering. There is a hint of betrayal, a lingering sadness. The thoughts come on fast and leave just as easy. Instead of trying to balance out the somber tone of the song with a sweeter, lighter beer, the goal here is to intensify the emotion with a heavy, rough drink.
PAGE 3
DIRTSTIR
Bond Measures and Candidates
Last week I provided my choices regarding the State ballot measures, and this week I will try to cover the candidates. But first, some input on the Senior Center and Parks bond measure.
02-65 Bond for Senior Center and Parks
No - We need to build centers at other locations, maybe one off of Crystal Lake Drive in south Corvallis and another one on Walnut Boulevard near the new Fire Station. In a city generally opposed to “big box” development, it seems odd to have one big Senior Center. Projected construction costs are approximately $800/square foot(exorbitant relative to $150-200 for a nice house), and grassy area and a softball field will be covered by a parking lot.
As for candidates, I feel anyone from governor up has no idea how the teeming masses survive. In my world, to run for federal office one must live on $50,000 a year for four years starting with nothing. No house, car, insurance, etc., and no loans allowed. Also, the practice of ALL the candidates of talking down their opponents in advertisements is akin to little kids saying, “Well, so-and-so did this or that.” Unfortunately, most people respond to that kind of propaganda. Tell me what you the candidate will do.
President - I’m not telling. I would hate the continuation of business as usual, and not to sound like a one-issue focus, but I really think we should have guns. Lots of them. I’ll just say I didn’t vote my party affiliation.
Senate - New blood, not Smith.
4th Dist. Rep. - Stay the course.
For Secretary of State, Attorney General, and Treasurer I didn’t feel I had enough information to make a good decision but I picked one anyway. I may as well have been picking my nose or something a little more southerly. i voted for an attorney, a Democrat, and one of each. Not necessarily in that order.
If a candidate ran unopposed, I didn’t vote for them.
I’ll close up now. I need to go find a sand box to bury my head in. I hate cats(not really). jcT
PAGE 4
Book Review:
Reform at Victory
The search for meaning in life and the almighty god are perhaps life’s most central and difficult themes. Parenting might be a close second. These issues cut right to the core of human nature. If you are lucky they will challenge you in ways that few others pursuits will. If you are unlucky, they can defeat you utterly, leaving scars that last a lifetime.
That is the case with Michele Ulriksen, author of the recently published book, Reform at Victory. It is her harrowing account of a year spent inside an unlicensed, unregulated, ultra-religious reform school for girls.
When fundamentalists are mentioned, most Americans might conjure up images of radical Islamists. Michele’s book sheds light on a brand of fundamentalism that while less exotic, may pose an even graver threat. This is because these individuals are actually sought out by confused and exhausted parents and trusted with the well being of something very precious, their children.
Corvallis author Michelle Ulriksen, at age 16, was placed into an ultra conservative, fundamentalist reform school. She, along with the other girls there were not afforded rights commonly provided to convicted felons. They were repeatedly threatened with solitary confinement, not allowed television or radio privileges and were denied meals as punishment. For the first thirty days, Michele wasn’t even allowed to look the other girls in the eyes. There were hidden cameras and microphones embedded everywhere so that the staff could monitor all that was said and done. The objective was to break down these “troubled teens” and build them up as proper young ladies using literal interpretations of Biblical scripture.
Reform at Victory reads like a prison memoir, filled with dangerous secrets, informers, late night escape attempts and heartwarming friendships formed against the backdrop of an incredibly harsh and oppressive environment. At its core, it is about a confused teenage girl who is confronted with questions many of us fail to answer until we are well into middle age, if ever. Michele wants to believe in a higher power and live a Christian life, but God is intangible, invisible. Like many sixteen-year-old girls, things like tanning, boys and dreams of MTV rock singers are much more real and immediate. As you read, you are inspired to ask the same wrenching, unanswerable questions of yourself that Michele wrestles with inside her head. She could never utter them aloud, the intercoms are listening…
A conversation with the author.
What inspired you to write this book?
My inspiration to write Reform at Victory began at the Academy of Art College in San Francisco while I was a student. My creative writing teacher gave us an in class assignment in which we were asked to free-write for 15 minutes about any personal experience that we felt had an impact on our lives. I immediately thought about my incarceration at Victory Christian Academy. I started writing and couldn’t stop. She collected our papers and started to read them while we worked on something else. As I was leaving class, she pulled me aside and told me I should write a book. I dismissed her suggestion as ludicrous.
However, as I rode home on the BART, I thought about what she had said and reflected on the experience. Memories of VCA flooded my mind. By the time I arrived home, I decided to go for it and I started writing. Little did I know that 10 emotionally grueling years lay ahead for me, which would represent the time it took to write the book from start to finish, with plenty of breaks in between for nervous breakdowns and generous consumption of booze.
About half way through the writing process I was doing research and I stumbled on a web site that contained a watch list of abusive reform schools. I was not surprised to see VCA on the list. I was quickly put into contact with other reform school survivors and a reporter who had produced an exposé about the man who owned and operated the facility I was in. He was accused of raping a girl at his new reform school in Florida. My book started to really take shape at this point and I started to get support from credentialed professionals. That provided much inspiration when I had wanted to give up.
During this time, I was battling severe depression, which left me unable to leave the house for months. I did not realize how much bitterness and anger I had buried inside me. The support from others through email and phone calls gave me the inspiration to keep going. I had also started to get emails from reform school survivors who urged me to continue writing on their behalf because they said they tried and couldn’t do it.
Another thing that caused me to continue is the fact that so many laws are broken in these places. I felt deep down in my heart, and I still feel, that these facilities need to be held accountable for their actions and need to be licensed and regulated so that those inside have a voice if they are being harmed. Just thinking of the teenagers locked up got me to keep writing. No one should be abused in the name of treatment. We were treated like zoo animals there. Abuse always needs to be exposed.
What do you hope to accomplish by its publication?
To alert the public about these abusive locked-down facilities and to let other women who have been through this experience know that they are not alone. If a parent who is grappling over whether to put their troubled teen in a locked down setting reads my book, maybe they will be compelled to do some research first and look at other options before deciding on the drastic step of reform school. I would also like to see a documentary materialize from the book. What are your thoughts on fundamentalist ideology?
I think that fundamentalist ideology is an archaic and closed-minded belief system that thwarts independent thinking, inhibits critical inquiry, and does not allow for reason and logic on any level. This kind of radical theology does not allow us to question anything, but encourages us to blindly follow like robots. No church is going to do my thinking for me ever again.
The fundamentalist ideology is an enemy of women’s rights and scientific advancement. Furthermore, there are more than 200 Bible verses that specifically belittle and demean women.
For example, we read in 1 Timothy 2:11-14, “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.”
This Bible verse, Exodus 22:18: “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live” was responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent women.
Today, some of the most organized and formidable opponents of women’s social, economic and sexual rights remains fundamentalist, evangelical men who think that women are second class citizens. This is what is taught in some locked down fundamentalist reform schools. It does not surprise me that we all walked out of there with no self-esteem. The preacher reminded us everyday that we were worthless females.
The simple message of Jesus Christ was to love your neighbor, feed the poor and not judge others. The fundamentalist evangelicals of today are not living this simple message but have instead convoluted it into this “we are right and you are wrong” belief system. They have lost touch with reality and lost sight of the true teachings of Jesus. If Jesus was a politician today I think it’s pretty safe to say his platform would be to feed the poor, yet the Republican Party today, which aligns itself with Christian family values, does not support social services.
Another thing I find interesting about ultra conservative fundamentalists and right wing Christian Republicans is that they are vehemently against abortion but they won’t support social services, which would help pay for the unwanted kids born into poverty as a result of the mother not being able to get an abortion. And by not supporting birth control, they are creating more abortion. Abortion rates go down when birth control and family planning is supported and encouraged but these men don’t seem to understand this. And some women don’t either (e.g. Sarah Palin).
Then there is science. The 5 step scientific method (observe, hypothesis, predict, test, analyze results), fossils and plate tectonics, have proven over and over that there are some parts of the Bible that are wrong. Read the book of Genesis, and then take a Biology and Geology class. I don’t think I need to say anything more about that.
Fundamentalist ideology in the middle ages held us back incredibly. If not for the fact that scientists and free thinkers were silenced back then, we would be FAR more advanced technologically than we are now, and teachers would not be scared to teach the facts associated with evolution.
How did your year at Victory affect your life?
Caused a lot of pain when I started to deal with the memories and that lost year. I felt like a freak when I got out and sought out trouble quickly to satisfy the need to rebel. I did an eight ball of cocaine on my 18th birthday. It was awesome. I was a homeless druggie and a drunk by the time I was 19. I didn’t care because I didn’t want to live anymore. I got arrested a lot and was always in trouble but somehow I managed to hold a job. I was a functioning alcoholic and would leave work on Friday at 5 and be high until Monday morning. It was crazy and I was burned out. Being 5150′d was cool though because I got my own shrink 24/7 and that was rad.
I got my act together and ditched the drugs when I was 24. I knew there was a better life out there for me and I was sick of feeling like shit. I got into therapy, cleaned up, got back into school and started dealing with my problems. Everything seemed to revolve around Victory. It shaped who I am today. It caused me to look inside myself and ask hard questions about who I am and who I want to be. I think I have a good idea now, and for the first time, I am starting to feel good about myself finally — at 38. I am starting to enjoy life again. I’ve tried to give up but I’m too damn stubborn. I guess I love life. For so many years I worried about what others thought of me but now I just don’t give a shit because I have learned that you can never please everyone. That is impossible.
There is one thing I want to mention about my experience and attitude toward Christians. The extreme version (more cult like) of fundamentalist Christianity that I experienced shocks most level headed and liberal Christians that I meet. One thing that Victory Christian Academy took from me was the exposure to other types of people of faith. I assumed that they were all like Brother P from VCA. I was terrified of Christians and thought they would only judge and hurt me because that had been my prior experience. It was not until I moved to Corvallis 7 years ago that I realized liberal open-minded Christians even existed. I am not a religious person but I certainly don’t hate Christians. I have met some good ones who I have thought were living the true message of Jesus and I am just fine with that. This has been a valuable and life changing lesson for me to learn and has allowed me to let go of some of hate and bitterness I had been previously harboring toward Christians.
What was it like writing this book, and remembering the year spent inside?
To assist me in remembering the facts associated with the experience I looked through photos, read letters my family had sent me while I was there, and I had a writing coach. It was intense. Women who were there started sending me their statements and experience stories and it jogged my memory about things I had forgotten about. The girls in the book are characters I have created that are based on the events that took place at the facility. I have changed all names to protect the privacy of those who shared the experience with me.
Panic attacks and night terrors started. I had dreams that I was in the Get Right Room again and my parents were leaving me there. I’d wake up crying or screaming and punching my bed. I punched holes in the drywall. The neighbors thought I was a nut job and stopped talking to me. I just remember being fed up with having to think about it. I started drinking again. I was such a basket case that I lost friends over it. I don’t blame them for not sticking around. Sometimes I’m impossible to deal with. I just kept telling myself that something good would come out of this.
At some point I was able to stop being mad at my parents. Once I reached that point, I started to feel more optimistic about the outcome of the book and saw light at the end of the tunnel. My dad and I were always close and he supported and encouraged me. He and Mom didn’t know what was really going on in that place. I know they loved me. Once I was able to forgive them, I was able to finish the book and start the editing process with a professional editor who had been referred to me by my book agent. Things went smoothly after that. I get really ADHD sometimes and I have a hard time focusing so it really helped to have a writing coach to keep me on track.
When does your book come out?
Reform at Victory is now available at Amazon.com, Grass Roots Bookstore in Corvallis and Broadway Books in Portland. More book stores will be carrying it soon. I’ll post updates at my web site: www.reformatvictory.com as more info becomes available.
Do schools like this still exist today?
Yes, they do. Visit www.isaccorp.org and look at the watch list link. Or do a Google search.
Have you had any contact with the friends you made while inside?
I have only been able to find two women who I was there with. I have talked to many others who were there after me who I didn’t know. It has been great to talk with them. I’ve received dozens of emails from women, and their family members, thanking me for writing the book. Some of them have already read it. The feedback has been very positive and has left me with a renewed energy and a good feeling that I did the right thing by writing the book. For a while there, I wasn’t so sure.
What is being done to regulate and monitor these reform schools?
Congressman George Miller (D-CA) tried 7 years ago to launch an investigation into abuse allegations at some reform schools, boot camps and wilderness camps for troubled teens. These schools are often referred to as Alternative Residential Treatment Facilities. Unfortunately, the Bush Administration thwarted Mr. Miller’s efforts (not a surprise since Bush’s Office of Faith Based Initiatives help fund some of these facilities). After Democrats took control of Congress he was finally given the green light to schedule the hearing that took place last October (see the video of the hearing at my web site) and parents, government officials, and a clinical psychologist (Dr. Pinto who wrote the afterword for my book), testified about what they knew as far as the abuse went. It is compelling footage; Mr. Miller gets pissed off at one point asking some officials why these schools are not being held accountable for abusing teens. I was cheering as I was watching it! If everyone would write a letter to Congressman Miller to remind him not to let this fall by the wayside, I’d be very happy and so would those inside these facilities. Letters do make a difference.
Michele Ulriksen will be at Grass Roots Book Store at 2nd Street in Corvallis on Sunday November 2nd at 4 p.m. She will be reading a passage from her book and then signing copies.
PAGE 5 and 6
WHO, WHERE, WHEN AND WHY
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WANT TO WRITE FOR THE ALCHEMIST?
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- Got an idea that is bigger than you’re ability to implement it. Drop it in here. Maybe someone shares your vision and can make it happen.
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BACK COVER
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On Hwy 99th in South Corvallis (541-754-6958)
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