39, thirty-nine, three-niner
COVER:
Cover Art by Wolff; See more at www.wolffantastic.com
CORRECTIONS:
Don’t worry, Readers. We understand. The few can’t always do the work of many. This is why no one submitted any corrections of last week’s issue.
Let’s remind you what this is all about. If you find 150 corrections before two more issues go by untainted, then there will be some sort of party to reward you for your effort. We are now accepting ideas for the party, since it is inevitable. Email party@corvalchemist.com
ALCHEMIST - 40 READERS - 116
About the Cover Artist
Wolff grew up in the Cypress swamps of Chuluota, Florida, swimming with moccasins, dancing with dragonflies, absorbing the art of the wild. Wolff was named ARTEXPO ARTIST OF THE MILLENNIUM in Miami for his mixed-media paintings which are created using mineral pigments and high-gloss, preservative acrylic. Wolff has sold hundreds of paintings to collectors, worldwide and is represented in galleries from Miami to Oregon. His famous collectors include baseball legend Andre Dawson and Angela’s Ashes author Frank McCourt. His poetry has appeared in dozens of literary journals, including The Sarasota Review, The Madison Review and Folio. His poetry collections are “Orphanage of Imagination” (2002) & his second collection “Heavyweight Champion of the Night” (2008). For more info, please visit: www.wolffantastic.com and www.theorphantrains.com.
Here is one of Wolff’s poems from “Heavyweight Champion of the Night:”
The Dead That Do Not Know
At the bottom of the Atlantic
there are soldiers running home.
They are leaving a trail of bullets
like copper whelks on the ocean floor.
They can no longer feel pressure or
anger or cold. Yesterday, something
happened, some burst of blood and
bone. But it’s like a dream they can’t
remember. All they know is how to
get home. How to put one word
in front of another in a letter they never
sent, saying they were coming home,
to watch for them, earlier than expected,
while gruesome fish who have learned
over millions of years
to make their own luminescence,
keep flickering on and off, like vigil lights,
when the ghosts run through them.
PAGE 2
The Orphan Trains: On The Night You Were Born
New Album Review by Sebastian Carr
The Orphan Trains are very, very strange. But, in a wonderful way. Kind of like a train filled with orphaned children and wild animals, strange. Kind of like a bear on a trampoline, strange. According to their website, they wrote their new album in Corvallis, OR where they live when they are not roaming from Florida to India. Apparently, these songs kept bears away when they were lost most of a night in the OSU research forest.
The first song, “You & I,” is a rollicking tumble towards love infused with the Buddhist idea that change is inevitable. “You say you want to change the world. You couldn’t stop it changing if you tried. Everything’s changing, day after day except you and I.” The rest of the lyrics are surreal. Tigers and Unicorns sighing forgiveness. Blue horses. Swans on the waters of time. And if that wasn’t bizarre enough, the duo created a YouTube video for the song, featuring two spooky stuffed lambs playing on the train in Avery Park! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl_MT6zKtZU)
The second song, “Jenell,” is sung by the female vocalist of the duo, Dakota Rose, who just so happens to have a Master’s Degree in Psychology. Jenell is about a foster child who wanders from circus tents to redemption while her mother wonders where she is. The song seems to be written from the mother’s perspective. It is haunting, original, and my personal favorite.
The rest of the album is like a painting by Marc Chagall, swirling with colors and houses and brides. “On The Night You Were Born” (the title track) gives you a peek into the birth of the secretive male singer, who calls himself: THE MASKED FANTASTIC (he’s also a professional artist named Wolff www.wolffantastic.com). You get to hear about his mythical grandfather, from whom he inherited (simultaneously) a dog and a guitar.. According to his bio, the dog taught him to “sing” but it sounds more like howling to me. This album is heavy on howling, since he howls on 3 tracks. Luckily, Dakota Rose doesn’t howl. She sings with a warm, soothing voice reminiscent of Joni Mitchell and chooses to end the album with a lullaby. She also plays a powerful violin, an instrument she picked up at age six.
These songs are real. From a song about a comatose woman dying (Oh, Mary) to an account of The Masked Fantastic’s Father’s fight with cancer (Bethlehem) to the song for which the band is named, in which two orphans find new homes on farms of the west (Orphan Trains), this duo holds a sustained and very creative note all the way through.
If you’d like to hear them live, they’re playing FIREWORKS on Thursday, September 25th at 8PM.
For More Information: WWW.THEORPHANTRAINS.COM
The First Annual
Septembeer Fest
It is time for the First Annual Septembeerfest!
This is the beer festival which has replaced the event held in May over the last 5 years. Help the Heart of the Valley Homebrewers bring in a new tradition in great beer festivals! No longer is the need to battle Portland traffic and crowds! No longer is necessary to git yer beer yahoos out without Ducking deep into Eugene and the enemy territory known as U of O.!
Saturday, Septeber 27th at the Benton County Fairgrounds from Noon til 9:00 pm. Entry is $10.00 and it includes a pint glass and two samples. We’ll have music by Wild Hog In The Woods as well as by Kinzel and Hyde. Get ready for some great Polka dancing as well as beautiful fall sunshine, food and throngs of people. We’ll have local favorites on tap like Block 15, Oregon Trail, Calapooia, Oakshire, Ninkasi and Laurelwood. The Deschutes Woody will be on hand as well as our local favorite, the Conastoga from Oregon Trail. There will also be some great international beers from Becks, Hoogarden, EKU Pils and many others. We’re also introducing a new brewery called Agrarian Ales. This is none other than Nate Tilley of Corvallis Brewing Supply fame showing off his stuff with a pumpkin ale (just wait until you see the pumpkin!!) Lickspigot’s Hard Cider and non-alcoholic Ms. Sheba Wagon’s Ho! Olde Fashioned Rootbeer. Wine by Airlie!
Best yet! This is a fundraiser for the Linn-Benton Food Share and so you can feel good about spending all day long drinking beer and helping folks who need a little helping hand!
Heart of the Valley Septembeerfest is the northwest beer lover’s brewfest. The best of the Valley’s craft beer will be featured Saturday, Sept. 27, 2008 from noon to 9 p.m. at the Benton County Fairgrounds, Corvallis, OR. Entry is $10 and includes a glass and two samples.
PAGE 3
DIRTSTIR
…by any other name…
Having gone to church when younger, one thing impressed upon me was that gambling is a sin. Although piety did not take root, the idea that games of chance were not to be taken as sources of income did sink in. One should take notice of the State’s disclaimer regarding legalized gambling here in Oregon, “…not for investment purposes.”
These days, sin ain’t sin as long as the State gets their cut and is absolved of any responsibility in the ruination of individuals and families. Drug dealers don’t get in any trouble because the user knows the potential risks, right? Also, providing variable-rate, interest payment only mortgages to people with little possibility of fulfilling their obligation is perfectly OK.
F— Freddie, Fannie, and the Federal Reserve
I don’t know what anyone’s problem is with this huge bailout of the lending institutions. Shoot! Any time my bets flop at the casinos in Nevada I just go talk to management. They pick up my debt, lengthen the odds on the machines to recoup their loss, and I walk away whistling a happy tune. DON’T YOU BELIEVE IT! You know as well as I that generating huge debt in this venue can result in death and/or dismemberment, which is exactly what I wish on the executives and institutions who created this mess.
Here’s a half-baked solution:
Freddie and Fannie die. Investors take the loss without being allowed to write it off. Banks that invested must guarantee the full amount of their depositor’s savings, checking, and retirement accounts. Executives of lending institutions at time of takeover must liquidate their own assets if necessary to meet this guarantee.
The home becomes the property of the (nee)mortgagee, but this person can only borrow against their equity and not the value of the home. Equity is increased by paying monthly at least half their previous monthly mortgage payment to the U.S. Treasury.
When selling the home, 90% of the difference between the owner’s equity and the assessed value at time of takeover goes to the U.S. Treasury. If the selling price is above the previously assessed value, the owner gets the difference. If the price is below, the owner could potentially erode their equity.
The U.S. Government(you, the taxpayer) doesn’t incur any debt, and the payments to the U.S. Treasury are the homeowners’ way of saying “Thanks” for getting the monkey off their backs. To those who say “That won’t work.”, I recommend they consider not travelling east to India.
This may be just some half-baked hare-brained simpleton’s scheme certainly non-savant, but it should be reflected on and discussed.
One final caveat. This is in no way an endorsement of whatsername Palin. Ctj
Heartbreak is a great muse
By Selina Van Laecken
Far to close to the flame, I am beginning to burn
Your image hits me in waves and its starting to hurt
Clawing through my defenses like razorblades on bare skin
Lightning strikes
ricocheting down my spine and thunder under my ribs
Bitten by a shutter and shaken down by a whisper
A subtle touch and I am reduced to a shiver
With a breath you lit a fuse in my heart
That first taste of the tremble on your lips blew me apart
Think I am simply in love do you? I am immersed in obsession with a rage
All you need do is smile and I am willing to risk the pain
I will walk an eternity in hell if you give just one moment wrapped in
heavens arms
For no more than blowing me a kiss I am willing to bear the scars
I was transparent when you found me I didn’t know just how empty
Then you climbed inside my soul and began pulsing through my veins
You can not leave this wrecking ball to just burst through me
Only you can cease the swinging and wrap me in the chains
I find our hands stained with love…
Would it be easy for you to wash it off ?
You dare to try and give back what you never had permission to take
Please don’t start the ripple just to leave me alone to face the quake
Pushing me down just to see me on my knees
Tearing out my heart with your fingertips just to watch me bleed
Pulling off my petals just to see me wither
Gnawing on my neck just to feel me quiver
The absence of your body next to mine would strangle off my last breath…
And if you were to walk away… it would be merely to see what I look like in
death
PAGE 4
Fall Festival
The Saturday night headliner is Linda Hornbuckle. Linda Hornbuckle started singing at the age of six in the Grace & Truth Pentecostal Church, Portland, Oregon, a church her father, Bishop H. Hornbuckle pastored. She began thrilling audiences in the Pacific Northwest, Europe, Canada and across the U.S. only a few years later.
As Portland’s most sought after backup singer, she has toured and/or recorded with National recording artists; “Quarterflash”, “Nu-Shooz”, “Dan Reed”, and “Gino Vinelli”. She later became lead vocalist for the high profile Motown Revue Band, “Body & Soul” and in 1992 became the driving force for the Blues act “Linda Hornbuckle & the No DeLay Band”.
Today. . . Linda has become a bandleader and launched her own voyage into stardom as a solo act called Linda Hornbuckle, which personifies her solo venture, yet draws some of the most dynamic musicians in the Northwest to her side.
See her perform at 7:30 PM.
Wayne Horvitz & Sweeter Than The Day
Play Squirrel’s Tavern This Friday
by DT
Following Wayne Horvitz’s career can keep you busy, not to mention confused. He’s a keyboardist and composer, whose highly individualistic work cuts across so many genres that it makes the concept of genre nearly irrelevant. He’s perhaps best known as the keyboardist in John Zorn’s maximalist bar band Naked City from 1988-1993. He’s also produced records for fellow Naked City member Bill Frisell and others, composed works for classical ensembles, written soundtracks to PBS documentaries, and started
more bands that just about anyone I can think of. You can get an idea of the complexity of Horvitz’s career by tracking the genesis of Sweeter Than The Day, the quartet appearing at Squirrels this Friday. Horvitz moved from New York City to Seattle in the early 90’s, saw the thriving alternative scene of the time, and started an avant-rock/jazz fusion band called Pigpen. The band was named, of course, after the late Grateful Dead keyboardist, one of Wayne’s acknowledged (and to me, unexpected) influences. Pigpen featured NW bass legend Fred Chalenor, drummer Mike Stone, and saxophonist Briggan Krause.
Chalenor carried over to Horvitz’s next band, Zony Mash, which included guitarist Tim Young and drummer Andy Roth. Named after a relatively obscure album by New Orleans funk pioneers The Meters, Zony Mash showcased Wayne’s growing interest in the Hammond B3 organ, and shared the instrumentation, lean, economical funk grooves and compositional quirkiness of their namesake band. Throwing the B3 in a van (at 400 lbs, the B3 is not the easiest or most practical instrument for touring), ZM spent several years touring the US, following the same circuits as Medeski, Martin & Wood, Moe, Umphrey’s McGee and other bands trying to prove that a band can jam without being a jamband.
All the while, Horvitz was also composing soundtracks, chamber music, dance pieces, electronic works and more, as well as finding time to tour and record with the free-improv electroacoustic supergroup Ponga, with Critter’s Buggin sax monster Skerik and drummer Bobby Previte.
When Horvitz began gravitating back to the piano, his original instrument, he founded Sweeter Than The Day as a vehicle for his quieter, more acoustic side, with the same members as Zony Mash, with bassist Keith Lowe replacing Fred Chalenor, and currently, drummer Eric Eagle. STTD’s acoustic sound proved a hit, especially in the Jazz festival circuit, eventually replacing Zony Mash as one of his main touring ensembles.
To sum up, take Zony Mash, subtract the Hammond B3 and about 30 decibels of stage volume, add a piano, and you get Sweeter Than The Day, right? Well, not exactly. When STTD’s tours bring them to Corvallis, as they do once or twice a year, Horvitz brings a different cool vintage/classic (and
slightly lighter at 125 pounds) keyboard, a Fender Rhodes electric piano, so we get an electric version of Sweeter Than The Day. But the band has a distinct identity that is not Zony Mash. Confused yet? And I haven’t mentioned The President, Nine Below Zero, The 4+1 Ensemble, Varmint, Mylab, or the Gravitas Quartet, just to name a few of the other bands that Horvitz started and has released records.
But really, it sounds more complicated than it is. In Sweeter Than The Day, he’s got a group with well over a decade of experience together on the bandstand. Guitarist Tim Young seems to have a particularly telepathic connection to Wayne’s tunes. They are a jazz band, but it’s a unique take on jazz that can incorporate the folk-derived rock of The Band, the psychedelic improv of the aforementioned Dead, the delicate textures of an Erik Satie miniature, the swing of an Ellington big band, and the
interplay of the Bill Evans Trio. In person or on record, it all makes
sense. We’re lucky we have the chance to hear them live at Squirrels Tavern, Friday September 26, at 9pm.
And, by the way, there’s talk of a Zony Mash reunion. sometime soon…
LAST WEEK’S BRAIN TEASER!
I can only assume that the rest of you Readers were as dumbfounded as we were with the picture below. There was only one response to the question, “What the hell does this sign mean?”
The winner of the stack of stickers is Rick Johnstone.
He wrote:
“What the hell does this sign mean? The person who lives in this house is literally an insane jackass.”
If you disagree, send Rick a response to rick@corvalchemist.com.
PAGE 5 and 6
WHO, WHERE, WHEN AND WHY
Go to www.corvalchemist.com/events/
WANT TO WRITE FOR THE ALCHEMIST?
Here are some sections we’ve hosted:
-A Second Opinion-
- Ask The Alchemist anything you want. Troubles with love? Existential crisis? Can’t figure how to build that new shelf in your den? We’ve got your answer!
-Deep Sh!t-
- This is your chance to develop your philosophical ideas.
-Big Ideas
- Got an idea that is bigger than you’re ability to implement it. Drop it in here. Maybe someone shares your vision and can make it happen.
-Mass Debate
- Elicit (not illicit) responses from the masses with your debatable questions. Past questions “Would you go gay for Johnny Depp as Cpt. Jack Sparrow or Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden?” It can be anything!
Email us at thealchemist@corvalchemist.com.
BACK COVER
This is where the magic comes from. Our lovely venues sponsoring The Alchemist. Please support them and The Alchemist. Check out their event listing at www.corvalchemist.com/events
The Peacock - www.myspace.com/peacockbargrill
125 SW 2nd St. (541-754-8522)
Sahalie Wine Bar and Restaurant - www.sahaliewine.com
151 NW Monroe Ave (541-754-7457)
Bombs Away Cafe - www.bombsawaycafe.com
2527 NW Monroe Ave (541-757-7221)
Platinum - www.platinumvenue.com
126 SW 4th St. (541-738-6996)
Fireworks Restaurant and Bar - www.FireWorksVenue.com
On Hwy 99th in South Corvallis (541-754-6958)
The Downward Dog - www.drinkthedog.com
130 SW 1st St. (541-753-9990)
Block 15 - www.block15.com
300 SW Jefferson Ave. (541-758-2077)
Calapooia Brewing - www.calapooiabrewing.com
140 Hill St. Albany, OR (541-928-1931)
Fox & Firkin - 202 SW 1st St. Corvallis, OR (541-753-8533)
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