35 is 5 higher than my current favorite number

COVER:

Front page art by April Zeller

PAGE 1:

CORRECTIONS:
You really stuck it to us this week Readers. Though, in a way, we stuck it to ourselves. Regardless, all editors have been fired and we’ve restaffed with people who say they can spell check. We’ll see.

ALCHEMIST - 30 READERS - 105

LOLLAPALOOZA
A Story in Multiple Parts

A recounting of the 3-Day music festival
PART THREE
On to Day 2 of the Festival!
I’ve realized that my personal story of whatever else may have happened to me isn’t really that interesting, so I’m sticking to the goods, which is, of course, the music.

Witchcraft
Though the Lollapalooza guide had warned me to not package this Swedish metal band with other death metal bands from the region, that is exactly what I did. An avid fan of Opeth, also from Sweden, I was expecting something similar from Witchcraft. I was disappointed to find that they have absolutely nothing in common musically. I only watched them for about 15 minutes, but if you’re more into the heavy metal of the 1970s, i.e. Black Sabbath, these guys are definitely worth your time. Did I mention that they have an album called The Alchemist?
www.myspace.com/witchcraftswe

Does It Offend You, Yeah?
Let’s sum it up by saying: I loved the live show. I bought the CD and I love that too. Does It Offend You, Yeah? (DIOYY?) is a 4 piece electro-rock band from the U.K. They’ve only been together for two years, and I’m convinced that 2008 is their breakout year. They’ve been opening for NIN and had a great showing at Lollapalooza.
It seemed as though the crowd was far more familiar with the band than I. Everyone went crazy when they heard, “We Are Rockstars,” which in my opinion isn’t the best song on the album. (I will be reviewing their album You Have No Idea What You’re Getting Yourself Into next week.) People were dancing like crazy and the band has excellent showmanship, not hesitating to get the crowd involved at any opportunity. If you’re interested to see them live, they’ll be at the Doug Fire in Portland on Sept. 16th. I’ll be there.
Interesting side note: The name was created when needing a name in a pinch. They agreed to use the first thing said on the tele after turning it on. The next thing they saw was Ricky Gervais on The Office saying, “Does it offend you, yeah? My drinking?” and the name was born.
www.myspace.com/doesitoffendyou

Innerpartysystem
Interestingly enough, Innerpartysystem actually played Club Platinum in Corvallis last school year. I don’t know if any of you attended this show, but in retrospect music goers probably should have. How often will we get the chance to see a band play in Corvallis before seeing them on a gigantic festival stage? The four piece electro-dance-rock band, hailng from Philadelphia, has drawn comparisons to Nine Inch Nails and Chemical Brothers. They had a modest following at the festival and I actually passed up most of show to find some food. It is obvious that the members have had stints playing in emo bands, which is a style I have yet to spend a great deal of time on.
www.myspace.com/innerpartysystem
PAGE3

Explosions in the Sky
After being told repeatedly by friends, “YOU HAVE TO SEE EXPLOSIONS LIVE!” I figured I might as well check them out, since they’re here and I’m here at Lollapalooza.
If you have never heard of Texas’ Explosions in the Sky, let me be the first to say, “YOU HAVE TO SEE EXPLOSIONS LIVE!” They put together one of the most intense sets I’ve ever seen. The band is completely instrumental and driven entirely by their ability to create dynamic compositions that move from delicate to forceful in mind-blowing ways. I found myself “coming to” on certain occasions after getting lost in the music. It’s rare that this happens since I have a short attention span.
I can say with relative certainty that they were the loudest band at Lollapalooza.
www.myspace.com/explosionsinthesky

Battles
I asked a friend, whose broad musical tastes and knack for finding great unknown bands have opened my musical world up in the past years, who should I see at Lollapalooza. He perused the entire schedule and returned with only one name, “Battles.” “All that and only one band?” I asked.
Now that I’ve seen them I know why.
The drummer, John Stanler, played with American rock band Helmet from 1989 to 1998. He plays a bright yellow TAMA drumset with a crash cymbal on his right side set way up high so he has to reach for it when he wants to hit it. It seems very inefficient, but looks great to the crowd when he goes for it.
The NYC band is comprised of four members. Their Myspace page describes the sound as “Other” and I think that’s a good way to put it. Their sound moves all over the board. From more stable and groovy tracks like “Atlas” to the wild and almost mathrock style track “Tras,” Battles appears to be writing and recording whatever they find fun and interesting to play. For example, on “Atlas,” you’ll noticed the rhythm is pretty driving and straight ahead along with the rest of the backing music, but the vocals are warped using what I’m figuring to be a Whammy pedal creating a whole new sound to the vocal performance. CHECK IT OUT!
www.myspace.com/battlestheband

Toadies
I couldn’t actually see the Toadies from where I was, but that didn’t stop me from recognizing their hits. The most notable is “Possum Kingdom” from their 1994 album Rubberneck.
They played great and apparently have released a new album called No Deliverance. They are playing the Hawthorne Theater in Portland on Sept. 20th.
www.myspace.com/toadies

Rage Against the Machine
Before I go to bed every night, I pray to Zack de la Rocha, RATM’s lead singer, to lead our country from the disaster we’ve found ourselves in. From the reaction of the Chicago crowd on that second night, I don’t think I’m alone in that.
The first thing heard were blaring police sirens coming from the stage, as their signature red star (commonly attributed to socialism) was unveiled. I wondered if the sirens were supposed to indicate what was expected of the crowd after the show.
As a long time fan of Rage Against the Machine, I can give you two reasons that I like them. Number one is the rocking guitar riffs and awesome driving drum beats. I’ve found few bands that can keep up with the consistent riffing of guitarist Tom Morello. If that doesn’t keep your attention, then maybe the passionate politically inspired lyrics of Zack de la Rocha can get you to wake up.
Playing for the first time since 2000 last year, all RATM fans are wondering how long their second coming will last, though we all hope indefinitely. I suspect the reason for the reunion was their dissatisfaction with current US foreign policy and politics in general. They will be playing in Denver this week, and in Minneapolis the following week in celebration of the Democratic National Convention and Republican National Convention respectively.
It will be interesting to see how those performances play out. After seeing them in San Francisco last August, and in Chicago this year, I’m aware of the overwhelming energy that people are left with after their performances. It has twice happened where upon leaving the show, the crowd floods into the streets and wave after wave of cheers and yelling rush down the streets. What if this energy were directed at something specific? What if everything you were dissatisfied with about your country was right outside the concerts doors only a convention center away? Denver and Minneapolis are about to find out.
www.ratm.com
Overall, day two was the most fun. The bands and crowd were upbeat. I had found my festival groove aand the insane jealousy of the bands I felt on day one had warn off.
Next week, I’ll finish up the festival with the biggest mistakes I made in those 3 days. No, it doesn’t involve sex, drugs, or alcohol….Maybe that’s why it’s a mistake.

PAGE 3

CORVALLIS POETRY SLAM!

“A poem is the very image of life expressed in its eternal truth.” Percy Bysshe Shelley
Winding through these gentle Corvallis streets, more so than at least I have ever before seen, is the subtle sound of poetry. Clank clacking down railroad ties that bind community spirit, engulfing entertainment and a constant tickle of education twisting together around every corner to complete this ultimately poetic experience. We bind together to share the seeds of sustainability to spread richness and diversity throughout the whole of this culturally starving community.
For those of you who could not pay attention or collect the information the first time I shall go over some of the key facts that may bring us all back up to speed. Firstly, commingling rules and competition in the arena of poetry is hardly a new composition. With the ever increasing innumerable forms poetry has taken shape in, changing and shaping as fluently as societies and trends. In this summer of the Olympics how can I fail to mention the Greeks giving out laurel crowns to winning poets in these ancient games? Yet, it took until 1986 for Marc Smith to initiate the Poetry Slam in the loose fitting form in which we know it today from a small jazz club in Chicago. Poetry Slam was conceived with the idea of giving the audience a voice, letting them have an outlet to say if they liked a poem. By cultivating their participation poetry slams build an audience for poetry, bringing everyday workers, waitresses, cops, students and scientists to a poetry reading and letting them cut loose.
In Corvallis, Poetry Slam has quite a colorful aura. Being part of the scene since at least 2005, changing hosts and venues several times in the short period in which I have even been aware of this medium. We are making a place on the map for Corvallis in Poetry Slam with such features as Ray McNiece, Buddy Wakefield and Mike the Poet, as well as having a great public turnout. It seems that the time has come again for Corvallis Poetry Slam to stretch through another morph, hopefully to gain the strength to grow through many more. The main force which brought this Slam to the forefront of Corvallis in its current incarnation, B.C., needed to relocate to maximize other potentials and opportunities. Though he still continues to support and collaborate with poets and musicians fueling the culture in this community. There always comes a time in any established trend when it must be released into the community to see if it is strong enough to become a true lasting current of truth and light. Soon I wish to be a part of a community that encourages and enables the spread of light and warmth to all its participating members.
Helping us here in Corvallis, not to mention the rest of Oregon, as well as the national and international poetic movements gaining momentum the world over we have T-Poe blessing us with his presence as featured poet of the month this August. He has been a common and welcome site in this area promoting poetry, peace, and equality even after his commendable commute up from Ashland, OR. Ashland artist Diana Hartel recently said, “T-Poe’s poems reflect a hard-lived, heart-felt authenticity and the whole-hearted feeling with which he speaks them touches people.” T-Poe’s poetry is a visual experience; his words the paint, your mind the canvas. Although he has no instrumental abilities, you will find in his words a melody which lends itself to song. A relative newcomer to the open-mic music/poetry scene, T-Poe has been “openly” reciting his work locally for just over two years. He is a Vietnam veteran and his experiences there are reflected in much of his verse. A five time Ashland Poetry Slam champion, he has recently retired to host the event. In Dec. 2007 T-Poe, along with Ocho and Mike Young, completed a 10 day 7 city music/poetry tour down the west coast, beginning in Vancouver, BC. and ending in Berkeley, CA. If you open your mind’s eye to see what T-Poe has seen, he will draw you in and you will become a part of his poems and they will become a part of you.
Allan Wolf put it perfectly when he stated, “The points are not the point, the point is poetry.” So put aside all pretensions and come out to enjoy open, honest communication and release yourself to the magic of possibility and poetry accompanied by some great local organic food and beverages loyally prepared by Sahalie Wine Cellar this Thursday. We have combined our efforts to create this medium to allow people an opportunity to experience a greater perspective of the world in which we live in, to participate with and alter so that we may all be able to see something never before perceived, and feel a little closer to those that live around us before the night is through. None of us can do it alone, so let us participate together. So in the spirit of looking through another culture’s eyes to see something for the first time, and bringing it all back around full circle to the current setting for this years Olympic games I would like to close with a poem from China.
Parting
We’ve said farewell on the mountainside
Day turns to night, my door of thatch is shut
Grass will be green again in spring
Old friend- will you come back or not?
-Wang Wei
If you have any further questions or comments please feel free to email corvallispoetryslam@gmail.com, or call me, MichaeL SLoaN at 541-754-1119

DEEP SH!T!
Living for Life

What would the world look like if people lived for life itself? What if progress wasn’t defined by an increasing human lifespan or the number of time-saving gadgets we have in our homes? Could the human race accept a world where life, living, being alive is the most important thing? We would have to measure progress by the joy found in living. All other things would instantly lose their value unless they were directly tied to our ability to live joyfully. We could finally get on living! No one would ever wait for their life to begin because living life would be the one and only goal. No place would be better than another. No life would be more important than another. Being alive would be of utmost, highest value. The reason for living would be to live. Living is the one thing we actually do in this world, so life itself is what we should cherish more than anything else. Its abundance. Its beauty. Its variety. Its mystery. The material world would disappear. Life would become our definition of God. Protecting life in all its forms would become our Universal Moral Code.
Life should not be about how long we live or how much we achieve in this world. Building castles made of sand (or mortar, for that matter) is an act of pure futility—it will crumble. Every word ever written, every sculpture ever molded, every painting, every song, every tangible or intangible object on earth will be lost with time. Of course, there is meaning to be found in the toiling. Yet, the wisest man in the world worries about very little because he understands the absurdity in trying to control an impermanent world. Shall we stop trying to control it? Should we not spend more time trying to protect it? To let it grow and flourish for its own sake? For our enjoyment? For its and our ability to live?! If you lived for life, how could you ever justify interfering or robbing another’s? You simply could not.
Life should be about life. We should worship it! We should worship ourselves, each other, and everything in the universe for being there. Are humans capable of this kind of living? -CH

PAGE 4

DID I SAY THAT OUTLOUD?
By Mark Hadley

The average writer has approximately 49 phobias.

Phobia #1 Perpetual Aloneness
Phobia #2 I have already written my best work,
and it sucks.

The other 47 are not important.

Confident as one might outwardly seem,
just a little hint of success for a writer is a double-edged sword
tempered by jealousy, sorrow and introverted fear
that the only reason we didn’t get hit by a truck this afternoon
is because someday we will contract an unpronouncable disease
with wonderful symptoms such as:

violent flatulence
and giggarooling

which is, of course a rolling giggle that produces excessive saliva.
And no one has friends that want to see that on their day off.
We watch the news out of some habit and perverted civic duty.
we look out the window and imagine
gloriously horrific emergencies when the sirens blow down
the street like a bus full of empty people.
and then there is the guilt, for which we medicate ourselves.
Yummy medicine which some of us take orally in the form of fermented potato juice.
Others, ….various drugs, sex, and emotional meltdowns.
American society tells us that it’s all part of the natural creative process.
But is it?

Society says,
“in order to be creative (public regurgitation, poor personal hygiene, drug & alcohol abuse) is a means to an end. Necessary to do the work. To reach the good stuff.”

A really fucked up writer makes a good story great.

There are more desperate people in the world
who want to be writers
than there are writers
who want to be
desperate
people.

For many of us writing is a way of making our mark in a world that is beyond our control. Staking claim to our interpretations of what we are watching.
so we can go back later, and verify that it was real.
If only in the past.
Most people i think give up looking for themselves
very early in life.
Right about the time they start talking. Establishing a comfortable pattern which will be repeated with subtle variations until the giggarooling ceases.

Not that writers don’t have familiar patterns too.
We have Thousands. Each must be met to our satisfaction befor we can begin.

It’s what drives us to panic
at the site of a fresh ream of paper.
“Oh, shit, i have to do the thing again.”

Twitching eyelids, butterflies,
“i can’t get comfortable in this fuckin’ CHair!”

And i get up, wash my face for the third time in an hour, make another drink, smoke, find the spare pack of smokes (in case i lose track of this one) check the news, talk to myself for ten minutes before settling back down in front of the keyboard to
stare
at
it
forever.

This urge to follow the pattern
year after year
is that which propells one who might otherwise
be percieved as merely pathetic
to the generally accepted position of Pathetic Writer.
so at least we get something.

if you write the same terrible shit, long enough,
people will have to at least acknowledge you have been writing the same terrible shit for years. Maybe your whole life. Cool.

The fear that this ream of paper will be the one that kills you
is perhaps a Pathetic Writer’s greatest agony.

You purchase, intentionally,
this ungoldly amount of paper, bring it home
& as your walking with this
….weight under your arm you start thinking of your dog who died four years ago
the first person to really break your heart
that wrinkled nineth grade english teacher who encouraged you with
“you’ve got real talent” and flunked you anyway.
that weight under your arm feels like death.

but writing is better than a lover in this way,
when it leaves you
you know it will be back to love you again.
and you know you could never kill it, with say, a hammer….
even if you really wanted to.
PAGE 5 and 6

WHO, WHERE, WHEN AND WHY

Go to www.corvalchemist.com/events/

WANT TO WRITE FOR THE ALCHEMIST?
Here are some sections we’ve hosted:
-A Second Opinion-
- Ask The Alchemist anything you want. Troubles with love? Existential crisis? Can’t figure how to build that new shelf in your den? We’ve got your answer!
-Deep Sh!t-
- This is your chance to develop your philosophical ideas.
-Big Ideas
- Got an idea that is bigger than you’re ability to implement it. Drop it in here. Maybe someone shares your vision and can make it happen.
-Mass Debate
- Elicit (not illicit) responses from the masses with your debatable questions. Past questions “Would you go gay for Johnny Depp as Cpt. Jack Sparrow or Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden?” It can be anything!

Email us at thealchemist@corvalchemist.com.

BACK COVER

This is where the magic comes from. Our lovely venues sponsoring The Alchemist. Please support them and The Alchemist. Check out their event listing at www.corvalchemist.com/events

The Peacock - www.myspace.com/peacockbargrill
125 SW 2nd St. (541-754-8522)

Sahalie Wine Bar and Restaurant - www.sahaliewine.com
151 NW Monroe Ave (541-754-7457)

Bombs Away Cafe - www.bombsawaycafe.com
2527 NW Monroe Ave (541-757-7221)

Platinum - www.platinumvenue.com
126 SW 4th St. (541-738-6996)

Fireworks Restaurant and Bar - www.FireWorksVenue.com
On Hwy 99th in South Corvallis (541-754-6958)

The Downward Dog - www.drinkthedog.com
130 SW 1st St. (541-753-9990)

Block 15 - www.block15.com
300 SW Jefferson Ave. (541-758-2077)

Calapooia Brewing - www.calapooiabrewing.com
140 Hill St. Albany, OR (541-928-1931)

34 is the magic constant of a 4 by 4 magic square…look it up.

COVER:

Front page art inspired by the work of April Zeller

PAGE 1:

CORRECTIONS:
Good to see that some of you are even willing to take the red pen to the page and scan it for the sake of emailing our mistakes to us. It shows that you care. ..and yes, you can call in the errors too.

ALCHEMIST - 30 READERS - 91

LOLLAPALOOZA
A Story in Multiple Parts

A recounting of the 3-Day music festival

PART TWO
Rising fairly early, 9:30 am in Chicago (that’s 7:30 am Pacific, people), on Friday morning, I find the host and her family preparing breakfast. Bagels with cream cheese, tomatoes, capers, and lox, which is a salmon fillet. Apparently this is a typical breakfast, my first time ever. It was excellent. I recommend it.
Arriving at the festival gates after no public transportation problems, I’m greeted by two separate lines which have to be at least 3 hours of wait time long. I’d heard of such things from a friend who attended Coachella Music Festival. I start walking past the front of the line towards the back and after about 20 feet turn around and hop in line.
For those of you who feel like this is cheating, I ask, “Why wouldn’t you do it?” I wanted to get in there. I didn’t want to wait and I was willing to take any criticism that might follow. Fortunately, only one comment was made and it didnt’ make me feel guilty at all.
Let’s jump ahead to the artists I saw that day:
-The Black Lips
I don’t know how old these guys are, but to me they looked like a bunch of high schoolers have a great time rocking out. Put them on any stage and I bet you get the same show. The lead singer/guitar player came out wearing a wig that was repeatedly head banged off or during his attempts to catch his own spit in his mouth, which reminded me of some great heavy metal guitarists I’ve seen.
www.myspace.com/theblacklips
-The Parlor Mob
This band made me excited about everything I might see at the festival. I didn’t know what to expect and was blown away by their performance. Long hair, great guitar riffs, screaming vocals. Being a big fan of 70s hard rock, these guys delivered what I wanted to hear. You can immediately tell they’ve studied the genre feverishly as ever great guitar riff trick was used in their set. I was even inspired to purchase their latest album called And You Were A Crow which I will review in the next issue. It was watching them that insane jealousy set in and a personal goal of playing Lollapalooza in 2010 was provoked.
www.myspace.com/theparlormob
-The Enemy UK
I don’t know if the band voted “most likely to break your windows” at the NME Awards will make it, bu I can say I saw their first show in the U.S. if they do. In the UK, they go by only The Enemy.
www.myspace.com/theenemycoventry
-The Kills
Due to a recent obsession with two-piece bands, I checked this duo out after hearing a few clips online before the trip. I wasn’t as impressed with the live show, but it’s hard to consume a stage with two guitar players. They relied on a drum machine for the backing. Remember, I liked the recordings though.
www.myspace.com/thekills
-The Black Keys
If you haven’t heard of these guys by now, you need to check it out. Following the rock duo model recently made most famous by The White Stripes, the Black Keys have no trouble breaking out great rocking blue based song after another. They had a large crowd that had to pass up Gogol Bordello for the day and the Keys gave us what we wanted. It was great to see two guys completely rock socks off when some bands have trouble doing it with 6 people.
www.myspace.com/theblackkeys
-The Raconteurs
This is a band lead by White Stripes frontman Jack White. I didn’t actually see them because they were playing on the other end of the festival from where Radiohead would be playing and I figured I’d have to stand in front of the Radiohead stage for a couple of hours to get close. I was right, but check out The Raconteurs anyway.
www.myspace.com/theraconteurs
-Bloc Party
Bloc Party has the fortunate (or unfortunate) privilege of playing on the stage that Radiohead would play an hour after their set. With that in mind, it’s hard to say how many Bloc Party fans were actually in the audience. I can’t say I was really paying a lot of attention to their set. I was surrounded by 10s of thousands of people who were sweating profusely and talking about how awesome Radiohead was going to be. Distracted is what I was feeling.
www.myspace.com/blocparty
-Radiohead
This was of course the main event of Friday and as I mentioned was of the main reasons for my attendance this year. I haven’t been a fan of Radiohead for very long and in fact. My first memory of hearing their music was on a car ride up to a lake with my cousin and she put on their song “Karma Police” asking her boyfriend if he could understand the lyrics at all. Thinking back on it, it’s as if I wasn’t actually hearing the music at all because it had no impact on me whatsoever. Now that song is one of my favorites to sing because of the great bridge at the end.
The performance itself was phenomenal. They had a spectacular light show with these crazy gigantic LED bars hanging from the roof of the stage that greatly enhanced the ambiance of the show. Multiple cameras all over the stage provided great angles of each member at all times. It was reminiscent of a video you can find on Youtube titled “Scotch mist: A film with Radiohead in it,” which features the band playing every song from their new album IN RAINBOWS. (CHECK THIS VIDEO OUT NOW!)
It’s hard to describe sort of impact a live performance can have on a person, but “truly inspired” are the words that I think of. It made me want to run home, grab my guitar and get to work immediately because I’d just seen greatness and knew that it was attainable, but only with diligence and hard work.
Thom Yorke who seems to be a pretty mellow character in everything I’ve seen of him cracked a couple of smiles and seemed to be a bit overwhelmed by the enormity and energy of the crowd at times.
I hope that this won’t be the last opportunity I have to see the band. A word of advice to see Radiohead: The only way you might get to see them is at a large-scale festival like this. I tried to get tickets to see them in Auburn.WA this month and it sold out in minutes, even during pre-sale!
The price of the 3-day pass and overall trip expense had just paid for itself in one hour.
www.myspace.com/radiohead

PAGE 2

U.S. MISSILES IN POLAND

“WASHINGTON — The United States and Poland reached a long-stalled deal on Thursday to place an American missile defense base on Polish territory, in the strongest reaction so far to Russia’s military operation in Georgia.
Russia reacted angrily, saying that the move would worsen relations with the United States that have already been strained severely in the week since Russian troops entered separatist enclaves in Georgia, a close American ally.”
From NY Times Article By THOM SHANKER and NICHOLAS KULISH; Published: August 14, 2008
Does it concern anyone else that for quite awhile the United States has hoped to put some missiles in Eastern Europe and now that things are flairing up in the region their actually going to do it? Isn’t this like throwing gas on the fire? Is that the plan?
Maybe a “War on Terror” has become so abstract that the administration needs something more concrete to keep us citizens on our toes. Every student of world and US history knows about the Cold War. The depth of the knowledge needs to go no further than that people were deathly afraid that there would be all out nuclear war. If Bush can drum up that sort of scare again, maybe we’ll make more irrational decisions. It is rather convenient that during a time when we need to have our wits about us, an election year, that something like this might come up.
Just remember, we’re going to be okay. Make sure that you vote in November. Vote rationally and with confidence that nothing bad is going to happen if you don’t vote for a candidate that promises a hard line against terrorism. -MT

PAGE 3

Southtown Street Party!

Sunday, August 24, 11am-11pm
Dance for a Cause at the Southtown Street Party!
A Benefit for the South Corvallis Food Bank
FireWorks Restaurant on Highway 99W in South Corvallis
www.SouthtownStreetParty.com
Mark your calendars for the next Southtown Street Party! Headline performers include Eleven Eyes, Lost Tortoise, Future Roots and the Nettles with a lineup of reggae, celtic folk, jazz funk and good old rock and roll. Gates open at 11am for a Vender Fair, featuring Henna by Kailyn, Abigail Rose Chair Massage, Green Living Exhibitors and more. Brad’s World Reptiles will entertain the kids during dinner. Admission to the all-day, family friendly event is free; a donation of $5-10 is suggested for the food bank. Local ales and wine, wood fired pizza by the slice and FireWorks fine cuisine will all be available during the party. Visit www.SouthtownStreetParty.com to view the full day’s lineup.
KBVR’s Peggy Darling will host a live simulcast of the Southtown Street Party on KBVR 88.7 FM and Cable Channel 26. The party will also be webcast live through the KBVR website. Volunteers are needed to help get the word out and to help staff the event. If you’d like to get involved, please email manager@SouthtownStreetParty.com Thanks for helping us fight hunger and get the word out about the Southtown Street Party!

GREENWASH PROJECTS

According to m-w.com, “to whitewash” is to gloss over or cover up. When projects promoted as sustainable recoup most of their costs through government tax breaks and credits instead of real savings, I call it a GREENWASH.
A $15 million project by a private company. A 30 year service contract. An $137, 000 average annual return in billing to the company. Currently, 55% of Corvallis’ electric bill at the water treatment plant($250,000/year) is $137,000. Corvallis’ savings is the potential cost increase on the remaining 45% of the energy purchased through PacifiCorps. Now do the math. It would take SunEnergy over 100 years to recoup the cost through billing.
SunEnergy will recoup 80% of the project cost from State and Federal tax and energy credits, and from Energy Trust of Oregon. These tax and energy credits will be brokered to desiring businesses to further pay down the project cost. Those buyers then become investors able to depreciate the equipment costs. This is simply another way that existing and potential tax monies are siphoned to the private sector with little or no benefit to the public.
We are essentially paying someone to bill us. Corvallis has already stated it will not buy the project when the option arises after six years because the savings or return on investment is not there. This project is not sustainable or cost-effective, and under the guise of sustainability, people are being duped.

Politicizing Sustainability

I went to hear a speaker Friday night. Her name is Holly Swanson(she can be found on-line), and she is very concerned that the politicizing of sustainability may limit personal freedoms and product choice, and limit opportunity for people to succeed and grow financially. While I may feel many of her concerns weren’t well defined, I found myself very much in agreement with the outcomes she perceives.
She had many concerns regarding goals of the Corvallis Sustainability Coalition(CSC) that made some sense. Consider that the CSC has many local “partners” in the form of local businesses. Consider that one goal of CSC is to have 60% of our foods produced locally. Did anyone consult WinCo or Safeway?
Has anyone asked the restaurants in town for their feedback?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. A small group will impose their will on a majority, convincing the majority the action will be good for all. Then when the plan collapses, instead of saying “I was duped!”(an admission of a lack of foresight) and venting our frustration on the persons who sold us the bill of goods, we will hang our heads and follow along dutifully as penance for our stupidity.
We may not share the same viewpoint, but we often have the same goal. That’s why I enjoyed Ms. Swanson’s presentation. I don’t share many of her views, but I agree with the outcomes she perceives. Tell the City to not proceed with this solar project. thank you, cTj

PAGE 4

Local Luthier Gets a Review from Bass Wizard

I recently had the opportunity to have two of my instruments played by Daniel Scollard, a professional bassist and bass instructor for thirty years. He currently teaches privates bass lessons as well as lessons for credit through Oregon State University. Here’s what he had to say. -Paul Kincaid.

I’m honored to review two custom bass guitars built by Paul Kincaid.
The first, built some 8 years ago is a relatively basic 5 string fretless. The fingerboard is unlined rosewood, the one piece through neck and body are local maple with very nice grain and figure on the back. Passive electronics and two “J” pickups. The neck I believe is a 35” scale, and is one of the most comfortable long necks I have ever played.
The tone is rich, deep, and full with lots of punch and clarity. This is a bass that would sound great for a jazz or R&B gig.
The simplicity of the body design appeals to me greatly. The very few details are tastefully applied, such as mother of pearl dots on the side of the fingerboard. The back of the body is concave, allowing for very comfortable playing.
The second bass is a newly finished four string with a 33” scale. This guitar has almost innumerable special features and is something of a showcase of Paul’s skills as a craftsman.
I count seven types of wood in the guitar, passive P+J Bartolini pickups, and black Leo Quan and Gotoh hardware. It has a hollow body with one highly stylized “f”-hole through which you can view a sort of impressionistic painted nighttime scene, painted by Summer Nelson. Oh… and did I mention this scene has it’s own optional LED lighting.
Inlays run the entire length of the guitar and in fact run from front to back as well. Even the tuning pegs are handmade. Even after an hour of close scrutiny I am still discovering thoughtful details.
Tone is bright with full, punchy bottom and retains some color of the acoustic nature of the hollow body.
Each of Paul’s guitars is made custom to order, never the same one twice. If you would like to view his work he has one instrument at a time on display at Bombs Away Café in a glass case in the front room. -DS
If you would like to contact Paul about his company, Requiem Strings, you can do so at rqmkincaid@yahoo.com or call (541) 227-1412. Check out his website: www.rqmstrings.com

The Military-Industrial Complex and You

“If the law is of such nature that it requires you to be an agent of injustice to another, then I say, break the law.” Henry David Thoreau
Thoreau’s famous essay on civil disobedience addresses the question of disengagement from government and a reliance on individual conscience. He feared being absorbed in a mob mentality, in general, and lost in a movement of mindless people who utilized the coercive power of the state in particular. Remember, of course, he spent time in jail for failing to pay taxes during the U.S. invasion of Mexico–a war he considered to be especially unjust. His example inspired Gandhi and Cesar Chavez to think that one of the important principles of nonviolence is: non-cooperation with whatever is humiliating is paramount.
I know some people who refuse to pay their federal taxes because they don’t support the military and I know a lot more who wish they could bring themselves to take such a stand against the government.
But a new book suggests that our involvement in the military and its operations is far more complex and raises questions about our collective responsibility and culpability. Nick Turse’s The Complex: Mapping America’s Military Industrial Technological Entertainment Academic Media Corporate Matrix demonstrates that the military-industrial complex is quite wide; that is, the number of corporations that do business with the military is quite vast and many of them provide ordinary goods and services that most people use on an every day basis–the the toothpaste and shampoo we use in the morning, the appliances we fill our house with, to the stations we watch on television. We literally cannot escape from some kind of involvement with an organization that provides material assistance to the military and its capacity to cause destruction.
Thoreau had Walden to which he could retreat and experiment with self-reliance. In our highly integrated, technology society, it seems that there is less space with which to exercise the first principle of nonviolent ethics.
Does the size and reach of the military-industrial complex in modern America morally implicate civilians in any violence, destruction, or human rights violations that the military may commit?
-Dr. Joseph Orosco is the Associate Professor and Director of the Peace Studies Program at Oregon State University. Read more from Orosco at http://engagepodcast.blogspot.com/

PAGE 5 and 6

WHO, WHERE, WHEN AND WHY

Go to www.corvalchemist.com/events/

Email us at thealchemist@corvalchemist.com.

BACK COVER

This is where the magic comes from. Our lovely venues sponsoring The Alchemist. Please support them and The Alchemist. Check out their event listing at www.corvalchemist.com/events

The Peacock - www.myspace.com/peacockbargrill
125 SW 2nd St. (541-754-8522)

Sahalie Wine Bar and Restaurant - www.sahaliewine.com
151 NW Monroe Ave (541-754-7457)

Bombs Away Cafe - www.bombsawaycafe.com
2527 NW Monroe Ave (541-757-7221)

Platinum - www.platinumvenue.com
126 SW 4th St. (541-738-6996)

Fireworks Restaurant and Bar - www.FireWorksVenue.com
On Hwy 99th in South Corvallis (541-754-6958)

The Downward Dog - www.drinkthedog.com
130 SW 1st St. (541-753-9990)

Block 15 - www.block15.com
300 SW Jefferson Ave. (541-758-2077)

Calapooia Brewing - www.calapooiabrewing.com
140 Hill St. Albany, OR (541-928-1931)

33 issues of this? How much more can you handle?

COVER:

Front page art by Sage
www.myspace.com/sageseeds

http://kyar.deviantart.com

PAGE 1:

CORRECTIONS:
Nice work Readers.
Some of you can’t take a week off lest you all fall behind. Keep vigil for the masses and you just might win that party for yourselves.

ALCHEMIST - 30 READERS - 86

LOLLAPALOOZA
A Story in Multiple Parts

A recounting of the 3-Day music festival attended by The Editor
PART ONE:
How does one decide to go to a three day festival that requires traveling across half of North America (Chicago)?
Answer: Radiohead and Rage Against the Machine

Why does someone decide to travel via Greyhound Bus?
Answer: I can only plead momentary insanity…and it was the cheapest option. (A plane ticket would’ve been only $100 more, and justified.)
Day One:
I rise at 6:00 am to prepare for my 2 day buss ride and 7:00 am departure from the Corvallis Greyhound station. I pack all the clothes I will need for the next week, though I will be required to rewear a couple of items. I have 4 disposable cameras, 3 bananas, 2 apples, and 4 CLIF bars.
Upon arrriving at the station, I see many an eager traveler. I overhear a conversation at the ticket booth which informs me that there are no seats available on the bus. There are 8 people in the station who are expecting to get on this morning. “Well, shit. I may be driving to Portland just to get on the bus,” I murmur to myself.
Ten minutes pass and the ticket guy announces that the bus driver has just called and has two seats open but will also allow ‘standers.’ How much would you pay to stand on the bus?
I find out that I’m one of the fortunate two people to sit because I bought my tickets before the other 6. Works for me.
This first exposure to Greyhound was the only real complication on the trip there. It was the return that damned Greyhound from ever receiving another dollar from me. (More on that later…)
Day Three:
Arriving in Chicago, it was sunny and things were looking up. My ride arrived and I was taken to what would be my home for the next 4 nights.
My lovely host and her parents then took me on a architecture boat tour of Chicago. It’s a beautiful city with a rich architectual history. Though the great fire of 1871 destroyed most of the city, it prompted city officials to rethink their strategy and focus on aesthetics of buildings. Famous architects like Frank Lloyd Wright and Mies van der Rohe have a great influence here.
This tour also gave me an opportunity to see a lot of the locations from the movie The Dark Knight, which was filmed there. Other great films done in Chicago: The Blues Brothers, Ferris Buehler’s Day Off, High Fidelity, and The Fugitive to name a few. ON TO THE FESTIVAL: NEXT WEEK!

PAGE 2

Women can do math! Who’d a thunk?

I saw something the other day, in the July 25th issue of Science, that supports something I’ve suspected for a very long time: men and women have similar aptitude in math. This study examined test results over the past few years for 7 million high school students in 10 states, and found no statistical differences between the performances of boys and girls. Many readers are probably thinking, “Duh! Why would there be a difference?” You might recall the former President of Harvard, Lawrence Summers, who resigned in 2006 over controversy around public comments he made suggesting there was some inherent lack of female talent for math, physics, and engineering. This was an opinion held by a man leading one of the most prestigious universities in the world. I’ve heard the same opinion voiced by many people here at OSU and elsewhere, and not just from men. I’ve heard plenty of chauvinists declare their superior talent in quantitative science, but I’ve heard just as many intelligent women assert their lack of ability in this area, sounding more insecure than incompetent. Judging by the male/female ratio I typically encounter in engineering classes, I’ve always wondered if there wasn’t something real to this.
I have a Bachelor’s in an engineering discipline, and I’m now a Ph.D. student at OSU in engineering, and I’m male. Although it’s different in my particular department, we’re probably right around 50/50, every other department I’ve experienced has been overwhelmingly male. According to that article, Ph.D. programs nation-wide in engineering disciplines are about 15% female. However, also according to that article, as of last year, 48% of math degrees (Bachelor’s) are now being awarded to women, and they are gaining ground across other quantitative sciences. A fellow female grad student in my lab has a math degree and she can calculate circles around me, I go to her with math questions.
Women still lag behind participating in physics and engineering, but they are catching up. It seems it’s always been as issue of social structure and directing women away from quantitative sciences (another “duh” moment). I’m glad women are bucking this trend. I wanted to mention this article for a couple reasons. First, as a male in engineering, I’ve obviously been on the other side of this issue and can’t really speak from experience. Are there female mathematicians, physicists, and engineers out there who have perspectives to share on this? Have you been directed away from this area but just didn’t listen to that guidance? Have you had encounters with men who were shocked by your ability? And second, I wanted women in these areas to know this study existed so they would have peer reviewed science backing them up the next time some jack-ass declared women are no good at math. Math, physics, and engineering encompass some of the most fundamental and difficult challenges humanity must address, so why would you discourage half of your population’s brain power from working on these things simply because that brain power comes with a vagina? -DD

“OH JOY! OH RAPTURE!” Mikado to return to the OSU stage

After a smashing success last summer with H.M.S. Pinafore, the University Theatre, the Department of Music, and Opera Theater Corvallis return this summer with one of the all-time favorite Gilbert and Sullivan operettas: The Mikado. Laced throughout the operetta are some of Gilbert and Sullivan’s best-loved songs: “The Flowers That Bloom in the Spring,” “A Wandering Minstrel I,” “Here’s a How de Do,” and “Three Little Maids from School.” Also, there is the “LIST” song, and given the current political scene and in keeping with The Mikado tradition, the song will be updated with topical political and cultural references. The show will play August 14-16 at 7:30 with a matinee at 2:00 on Sunday, August 17. Tickets are available online at www.oregonstate.edu/dept/theatre and at the University Theatre box office in Withycombe Hall (737-2784). Tickets are $14 general, $10 for seniors, and $7 for students.

Project Vote Smart in Albany

August 16: Saturday - 9am-1pm - Albany, OR; Downtown Farmer’s Market, bus will be located in front of the Linn County Courthouse at 4th and Broadalbin.

About Project Vote Smart
Project Vote Smart is a national library on information on 40,000 candidates for public office at all levels of government. They cover them in five basic categories: biographical background, issue positions, voting records, campaign finances and performance evaluations made by over 100 special interest groups. They do not lobby, support or oppose any candidate and they do not accept financial support from any organization that does. They are primarily supported by our 45,000 members. We do receive additional funding from the Ford, Hatton Sumners and Revson Foundations. All of their information is also available on our web-page: www.votesmart.org.
From their website:
“In a very real sense the need for Project Vote Smart was born during the Constitutional Convention. Concerned that unbridled power would corrupt, that ”factions” might deform their vision and turn it to serve selfish interests, and that an informed people was essntial to success, the founders adopted a number of administrative protections chief amongst them a system of checks and balances and the Bill of Rights.”

PAGE 3

This Burns My Butt!

The lead story of the Sunday August 10, 2008 Gazette-Times contained a headline that read, “Grim anniversary coincides with renewed controversy over Willamette Valley field fires.” The flag that field burning opponents wave is the wreck that occurred on I-5 20 years ago. Complaints continue to rise as the number of acres burned shrinks. If we REALLY want to reduce pollution we need to reduce automobile activity. Oh, wait. Its easier to attack a minority contributor to pollution than to change our own habits. Sorry, my bad.

Solar Power Not Cost-Effective

Corvallis is considering a 13-acre solar array to produce 55% of the energy for our Water Treatment Plant. I say NO and this is why:
SunEnergy, a private company, will build and maintain the 2 megawatt(rated) system for the life of the 25 year contract. The project is estimated to cost $15 million to build. Corvallis will buy the electricity at $0.044/kilowatt hour, with a 2% annual increase. Our current annual Water Treatment Plant energy bill is $250,000/year. 55% of that is $137,000. The average payment/year to SunEnergy will be $137,000. There are potential cost savings if our regular provider’s(PacifiCorp) rates go up over the life of this project. In the first year, that savings would be about $20,000, or 8% of the annual bill. After six years, Corvallis would have the option to buy the plant.
SunEnergy stands to receive 80% of the project cost in tax breaks and energy credits from State and Federal programs, and Energy Trust of Oregon. That means $12 million will be taxpayer money. Then, SunEnergy will broker the credits to needy businesses. These businesses will then be considered investors and be able to use the credits as well as write off the equipment depreciation, further reducing the cost/risk to SunEnergy.
SunEnergy will then use our annual energy bill to pay off the project.

So, for $ millions in tax money, we are giving a private company a solar farm and an obligation to buy that energy from them.

This project is not economically feasable if based on the energy cost savings. It would take almost 100 years of billing to cover the cost of the project.
What this means is, the project is not economically sustainable or feasable without the tax incentives. The incentives are not available to cities. If Corvallis were to build this project and save the entire $137,000/year it would still take over 100 years to pay off. Based on the return for investment, this more closely resembles a pyramid scheme than a “cost-effective energy conservation” program, as mentioned in the Energy Trust of Oregon mission statement.
I brought these concerns to members of City Council as well as the Urban Services Committee. The Director of Public Works stated that we would not buy the solar array after six years because we wouldn’t regain our investment. If we know it’s a losing proposition, why are we allowing it to be done?
I understand the drive for alternative energy, but the project is not cost-effective. A member of the Urban Services Committee said that if we don’t use the money someone else will. OK, I’m eventually going to die, so I might as well kill myself. Great logic. We might as well make a bad decision because if we don’t, someone else will.
I received the information for this piece from Tom Penpraze at Urban Services (766-6918), Dan Hanthorn at Water Treatment (754-1757), and Steve Rogers, Director of Public Works. Please, get involved. This is another example of your dollars being misspent. Contact the mayor or your city Council representative and ask them to stop this project. Thanks for your time, cJt.

INTERZONE TURNS 10!
1563 NW MONROE AVE.

To celebrate the occasion there will be a show this Friday, the 15th featuring David Dondero, Tourist, plus others. The show starts at 4 pm and goes until 11.
Interzone is owned by Bill and Iris McCanless.
A brief history of Interzone, in the words of Bill McCanless:
Bill spent most of his childhood and teenage years in Burke, VA. He graduated from Clemson University, South Carolina with a BS in small business management.
Iris was born and raised in Los Angeles. She received two BAs from UC Santa Cruz in Environmental Studies and Anthropology.
We fell in love with Corvallis and moved here from Santa Cruz, CA in 1998.
Less than a month after our arrival, we signed the lease on the building at 16th and Monroe and realized our dream to open an organic, vegetarian coffeehouse; the first of its kind in Corvallis. We opened our doors on August 11, 1998.
We got married in 1999 in a ceremony officiated by our coffee roaster Greg Gorchels of Pacifica (formerly Sunriver) Coffee Co., with our staff and many loyal customers among the guests.
We have two sons. Jonathan is an energetic five year old who loves superheroes. Nicholas is 15 months and loves playing peekaboo! Both kids spend lots of time playing around at Interzone and are well known and loved by our customers.
Interzone started out primarily as a organic coffee house making espresso drinks served in the traditional Italian way using Pacifica coffee and organic milk and dairy. Besides our cappuccinos and double espressos, our most popular drinks include the cardamom and honey latte, made with a pungent yet delicately flavored Indian spice; and the “indie brew”, which is an individual cup of coffee made from the customer’s choice of our organic beans freshly ground and brewed on the spot. Guaranteed to be the freshest, best cup of coffee in town!
In 2000 we expanded into the kitchen space next door formerly occupied by Jackie’s Ribs. This really opened up our food menu and allowed us to be the café we imagined. We now could bake our own pastries from scratch daily using only organic flour, sugar, and cage-free eggs. Our weekend breakfast consisting of breakfast burritos, tofu scrambles, savory omelettes and seasoned homefries soon became very popular. We also offer quality homemade meals like lasagna, veggie mac and cheese, enchiladas, and soup and delicious sandwiches and salads to order everyday. We serve quickly prepared egg sandwiches, breakfast burritos and waffles every morning till 2pm, and on the weekends, Almost all breakfast ingredients are organic, local, natural, and of superior quality. (continued on right hand column of next page)
We are at the shop seven days a week, personally making the food and beverages, and serving customers alongside our loyal staff. Being across from campus, our customer base is largely professors and students, along with neighbors and members of the community who enjoy quality, organic, vegetarian and vegan fare. We love developing personal relationships with our customers, many of whom have become dear friends.
We are committed to being a sustainable and environmentally conscious business. We also support local artists by offering monthly art shows, live musical performances and selling local ‘zines, cards, cd’s and books.
Interzone is celebrating its 10th anniversary on August 15. Beginning at 4 pm we invite the community to attend our party featuring live music, free coffee, refreshments, and snacks. Scheduled to play are David Dondero, and local groups tourist, Lost Tortoise, and others.

PAGE 4

By Mark Hadley

Grandpa Story

I was skipping stones in the Clackamas River and grandpa told me this story.

Once there was a stone.
She lived just about where you are standing.
She lived here for millions of years
and witnessed many interesting things.
then one day a boy carelessly tossed the stone into the river.
And she died.

If The World was Inhabited only by children

Why is your skin white?

“i don’t know.

why are you brown?”

(shrugs)

want to play cars?

i have five.

Untitled

writing
is therapy

dancing on the match-head
of reality
in sandpaper shoes,
watching the news
with the blues
as information
leaves lacerations
across stretch-marks
of your mind.

writing is not therapy

it keeps one from screaming at the floor,
that is all.

two and two
and we can share one.

“Ok.”
PAGE 5 and 6

WHO, WHERE, WHEN AND WHY

Go to www.corvalchemist.com/events/

BACK COVER

This is where the magic comes from. Our lovely venues sponsoring The Alchemist. Please support them and The Alchemist. Check out their event listing at www.corvalchemist.com/events

The Peacock - www.myspace.com/peacockbargrill
125 SW 2nd St. (541-754-8522)

Sahalie Wine Bar and Restaurant - www.sahaliewine.com
151 NW Monroe Ave (541-754-7457)

Bombs Away Cafe - www.bombsawaycafe.com
2527 NW Monroe Ave (541-757-7221)

Platinum - www.platinumvenue.com
126 SW 4th St. (541-738-6996)

Fireworks Restaurant and Bar - www.FireWorksVenue.com
On Hwy 99th in South Corvallis (541-754-6958)

The Downward Dog - www.drinkthedog.com
130 SW 1st St. (541-753-9990)

Block 15 - www.block15.com
300 SW Jefferson Ave. (541-758-2077)

Calapooia Brewing - www.calapooiabrewing.com
140 Hill St. Albany, OR (541-928-1931)

32nd St. and Monroe Ave.

COVER:

Front page art by The Alchemist

PAGE 1:

CORRECTIONS:
This issue was printed a week in advance, so there is no way you could’ve submitted corrections from last week. We’ll settle up in next week’s issue.

ALCHEMIST - 30 READERS - 76

Deep Sh!t
Reader Reponse

Reader Response

From the July 22nd issue of The Alchemist, “The idea of God allows us an opportunity to parry responsibility for our actions or the things that happen to us.”
Isn’t that a beautiful idea? No wonder so many people enjoy the opiate of Christianity! Isn’t that the point?
I’ve always wondered why people felt compelled to blame both good and bad happenings on God. As Gustav mentioned, God is supposed to be omnipotent, omniscient, and benevolent, so why would He endorse crappy things happening to good people? It’s Beelzebub, you say? The balance brought by these battling titans gives life meaning? I’m not convinced. The fact that I will certainly die at some point is what gives my life meaning. How can all the stuff that happens in the world NOT be the fault of PEOPLE? Ok, there’s bad weather, that’s just chance, and don’t try to convince me that God creates natural disasters to smite sinners, or Satan is bored, it’s just the planet doing it’s thing.
But then there are things like people losing their jobs, cheating their partners, making stupid decisions with their finances, or larger things, like willful deception, murder, war, etc etc etc… these are all instances of people deciding to do nasty things to other people.
On the flip, there’s that kind gesture to a stranger, donating time and money to charity, kissing your child before going to bed, writing love notes to your partner, creating beautiful music and art… again, these are all the products of people deciding to do nice things with their time and energy.
I have yet to encounter an explanation or argument that can illustrate how the idea of an omniscient and omnipotent God is consistent with either Satan or all the nasty shit people seem to do to each other. Woody Allen was onto something when he accused God of being an underachiever. Me, I think the Indians got it right with the idea of kharma. More often than not, when something crappy happens to me, I can pinpoint exactly what I did wrong or exactly how someone else is trying to screw me. Likewise, when something nice happens, it’s usually because someone is being nice to me, maybe because I was nice to them on a prior occasion, or it’s the fruits of consistent effort.
The sooner we can all assume responsibility for our own actions, the better. Continue believing in God if you want, but don’t pretend He’s micromanaging your life. That’s your job. And part of the job description is dealing with shit other people throw your way. -DD
PAGE 2

Densely Isolated

I was in a rush last week. The general idea I was trying to get across is, that we are so busy taking care of our own needs heierarchy(see Maslow’s Heierarchy of Needs), we neglect and ignore everyone else. I feel this may be rooted in the subconscious knowledge that we are competing for an ever dwindling amount of resources, and our lack of consideration is a form of passive aggression.

The Essence of Intolerance

Besides food, shelter and clothing, humans need a sense of belonging. We form clubs, teams, and community organizations. We form groups based on physical or ideological standards. While wholly inappropriate if subgroups are formed by the majority(what color of star do you want?), it is entirely acceptable to form one’s own subgroup. This is a form of empowerment by letting people know there are others like them.
I was in a convenience mart attatched to a dining hall on the OSU campus when I saw a sign that roughly translated to, “no saying bad things about minorities”. Not that I planned on saying anything, but I had to ask if it was OK to talk down the dominant group. Serendipitously, the person helping me said they were taking courses in Ethical Studies. Based on their studies, that person’s general thought was that, discrimination occurs when a dominant group does something that targets a minority. When minority groups target other minorities or the dominant group it is called “bias”.
I don’t care who does it or how, it is simply another ploy to attain power. Apologists in our culture feel it is neccessary to give disproportionate creedence to the wants and needs of subgroups in our population. Do they not see they are undermining the needs of all other groups? Would they consider putting in an elected official who received less than the majority of the votes? Sorry. We did that in the 2000 Presidential race. Bad example.
The power of groups is cultural and based on sheer numbers. A more evident power in our society is that of muscle, money, and intestinal fortitude. Cultural power bases are played against each other so as not to upset the money power. Don’t you think the prison system might just allow or even promote interracial conflict in order to keep the prisoners from organizing and increasing their collective power?
Instead, we are fed the concept of Political Correctness. It works because we as Americans want to help an underdog. Unfortunately, this also allows the underdogs to cry “victim!”, and as victims, these groups may feel entitled to more recognition. No. Not from me. In the grand scheme of things, everyone is just as important as the next person.
If an heterosexual is offended by an homosexual couple kissing in public, cannot the homo couple be offended by having their sensibilities challenged? What if the roles were reversed? When I go to New Morning Bakery, where there is a woman’s bathroom and an anybody’s bathroom, should I be offended as a male because I do not get equal billing? Should I demand lower greens fees at the golf course because I am being discriminated against based on age? Youth pay lower greens fees, but generally take longer to play. This is just to get them hooked so they will continue to play, and pay.
Political correctness is the essence of intolerance. There needs to be the Newtonian understanding that everything has a reaction. If something I do offends you, can’t I be just as offended that your sense of offense challenges my moral and physical bases? Just you never mind how others live and get on living. - JCT

The Meaning of Life
By
Ron Garnett

Of all the things there are, the “Meaning of Life” is the one thing that has the most “good news/bad news” aspects about it.
Here’s one right of the bat. The bad news is I don’t know what the meaning of life is. However, the good news is, I have some clues as to what it might be.
The Meaning of Life is like the definition of the word “gig”. If you are a musician a gig is a performance, a job you’re doing. If you ask a person in the south a gig is a three prong spear used to catch bullfrogs. If you ask a sailor, it’s a small row boat. Likewise the Meaning of Life is different for everyone you ask. This would tend to imply that there’s a Meaning of Life for every person on the face of the earth, each one true and valid to each person.
But is there “A” Meaning of life? I believe there are clues to suggest there is.
Life is like a string; a continuum that started long ago and will go on for a long time to come. Along this string there has been a time and place for all things, good and bad. And through all this, what seems to be constant are our efforts to make contact with each other. To reach out over time and space and say, “I am here.” And ask, “Are you there?” But to what purpose?
By nature, we are creatures that create. We make stuff, ping pong balls, buildings, guitar strings, cities, chocolate ice cream. We do it to make ourselves comfortable, to protect ourselves and to have a little joy in our lives. And the one thing we do, that is a clue to a Meaning of Life, is that we create art. Anything we do, anything we create, there will be someone who will take it and turn it into an art form. So that the whole world of accomplishments can be an example, of how well anything can be done.
As a creature, we seem to want to reach out to others and share our ideas and hopes, to see what other ideas and hopes there are. For sure we have, on many occasions, tried to take these things from others and in the end not gain the benefit we would have otherwise. But this is because we still haven’t gotten the idea of sharing down very well yet. Maybe one of the clues about a Meaning of Life is that we learn to share better.
Art is a major clue. Music, poetry, painting, all the expressive forms, are our visions on how, why and what-if about life. Our hopes, our efforts towards being able to get together and dance and sing to each other’s songs.
One might suggest that one “Meaning of Life” has something to do with sharing our hopes and dreams, through art, with the intent of creating a better existence for us all.
But this is only one possibility, I’m sure there are others.

PAGE 4

Reader Response
on “The Next President Will be Left Handed” from July 22nd.

Yes, the next president will be left-handed. So what, so were four of the last six presidents, including Bill Clinton, Bush Sr., Ronald Reagan, and Gerald Ford. Whoah. That’s a little weird since only about 10% of the population is left handed. The stereotype is that lefties are more creative, and they also tend to be somewhat ambidextrous. That would suggest they can do things only lefties can do, and things that righties can do. I’m definitely not that smart (obviously, I’m right handed).
Here’s a list of some other famous lefties… maybe that creative label isn’t off the mark, there’s something going on with these lefties.

Ramses II
Leonardo da Vinci
Julius Caesar
Queen Victoria
Alexander the Great
Charlemagne
Michelangelo
Ben Franklin
Beethoven
Fidel Castro
Henry Ford
James A. Garfield
Harry Truman
Albert Einstein
John F. Kennedy
Mark Twain
H. G. Wells
Kurt Cobain
Bela Fleck
Jimi Hendrix
Paul McCartney
Robert Plant
Paul Simon
Pablo Picasso
M. C. Escher

and…
Angelina Jolie

Wow! That’s a lot of talent. Since there about 10 times as many righties, the list of famous righties would inevitably be longer, but would it be 10 times longer? I wonder if being lefty gives you a higher probability of being this influential. It certainly seems to help being elected President of the United States. In that list, there are hippies and emperors, so I suppose that sheds no light on what to expect from our next president, whoever it may be…

Death of the Mind
by Atticus Reed

It was a dark place; illuminated by a few lit candles and a large chandelier which hung from the middle of the ceiling. There was a priest on the stage behind a podium, speaking. The words were slipping past my mind like drops of water in a storm. My mother sat next to me gently sobbing into the arms of my father. My sister was on the other side of them, also crying. I knew I should be listening, but I couldn’t grasp the meaning of the sentences.
I was too focused on the balding, splotched head in front of me. This was the man I was waiting for. This was the man whose words my ears ached to hear. And then suddenly he pushed his cane into the floor and walked to the stage. There was absolute silence in the church except for the tap, tap, click, and pause made by the heels on his shoes and his cane on the marble. The priest had to help him up the steps. I hadn’t been able to tear my gaze from the old man, but then at that moment my eyes were drawn to the windows in the room. The stained glass had been broken, the holes covered with plywood, and all outside light extinguished. Then he spoke.
In the car on the way back there was sparse, forced conversation. We pulled into the drive way and everyone got out. My mother’s eyes were red and so were my sister’s. My father had cried very little and I hadn’t cried at all. My great grandfather’s words came crashing back in a jumbled wave. I was having trouble focusing. I made it into my house and went to my room to change. Walking down the stairs I knew I should feel something, but I was empty. I realized I had known nothing about my great grandmother.
How could my sister cry? What kind of heartless monster am I? All I wanted was to be alone; to be somewhere quiet and alone. Thoughts were reeling in my head, like flakes in a snow-globe someone carelessly tossed to the floor of their old attic. I changed into more comfortable clothes and went back upstairs. I couldn’t get his words out of my head; a white noise jolting my thoughts. I told my parents I was going to the Beanery and slid through the doorway and out on to the street. I couldn’t focus on anything as I slumped to the coffee shop. Finally I arrived and went in. I paused to breathe the coffee scent and looked at the strange array of people that occupied the café. After a few seconds I went to the counter.
“I’d like a sixteen ounce house coffee, please,” I said.
“OK, that’ll be one-sixty,” the waitress said. I handed over the six quarters and dime, and she began filling my cup.
“How’s your day been?” she asked.
“Well, my great grandmother’s funeral ended…” I paused to look at my phone’s clock, “half an hour ago.” The waitress wasn’t paying attention to my coffee anymore, and it was getting dangerously close to spilling over. “I didn’t cry,” I said. “Everyone else did, but I didn’t. My great grandfather gave a speech I can’t get out of my head, and now I just want you to give me my fucking coffee and to be left the fuck alone. So please, just give me that fucking cup and let me go sit down.” She quickly passed the cup over the counter. I grabbed a lid and sat down at the table closest to the window.
Bikes and cars rode by on the street and people passed almost constantly on the sidewalk. They all seemed close enough to touch; only a layer of glass separated us. So many people I’ll never know. They’re all thinking something. They’ll all die and I won’t even exchange five words with them.. They seemed so unreal, like mannequins in shop windows or crash dummies all driving towards a wall. What’s the difference between the living and the dead? This question seemed paramount to my mind. Sitting in that chair I thought and thought. The dead don’t feel. That’s what the difference is. The living cry at funerals and the dead are silent, uncaring corpses. Apathy is death of the mind.
My mind was whirling, and I noticed nothing until there was a slight movement in my peripheral vision. I looked up and saw the waitress standing next to me.
“Yes?” I said.
“I didn’t want to disturb you, but we’re already fifteen minutes past closing and a few of the employees here have places they need to go. I have to ask you to leave. I’m very sorry.” I looked out into the pitch world through the glass. Who knows how long I had sat there thinking. It had felt like so short a time. I looked back to the waitress.
“Will you cry at my funeral? Please, I need to know someone will cry,” I said.
She paused and looked at me for a while. “Take your time. We can let you stay here a little longer.” She started to close down shop with the other employees, and I started crying.

Local Band
Feature
Poitin & Stout

Q and A

What does that name of the band mean?
It’s actually from the version of the traditional Irish song “The Irish Rover” that the Dubliners & Pogues collaborated on in the Eighties. The song chronicles a crew that sails from Cork, in Ireland, over the sea to NYC but ends up getting sick from the measles; everyone but the narrator dies, even the captain’s dog! Anyway, the Dubliners/Pogues version added a verse that had the line “Oh, the noise and the rout, swillin’ poitin and stout” … we usually all yell “Hey!” after that line, in salute to our band name … “poitín” is Irish moonshine (two companies in Ireland produce it legally these days and you can actually buy it online) and “stout” refers to the delicious black stuff.
Who is in the band and what do they play?
Dustin - bodhrán, snare, floor tom, vocals
Corey - acoustic guitar, violin, vocals
Mark - acoustic guitar, vocals
Josh - banjo
James - tin whistle, mandolin, button accordion
Dan - standup bass
Scott - mandolin
Ted - accordion
How long have you been together?
Not long! Just started practicing in the beginning of May.
Do you play originals or covers?
They’re mostly traditional Irish folk tunes, with an occasional Pogues cover thrown in.
Are any of you in other bands/projects?
Corey does a lot of solo stuff, Scott plays with Jake Payne & Dixie Creek, and Ted plays with Bon Ton Roulet. The rest of us aren’t cool enough to have other bands.
What are your day jobs?
We’re all either students at LBCC (nursing school) or OSU or work at OSU or LBCC … I’m not sure what Scott does, but Ted is a PhD student up in Portland.
Do any of you want to play music full time?
I don’t think so … I think we’re all pretty happy having it as our hobby, instead of our job!
What is the objective of Poitin & Stout?
To provide a rollickin’ good time! Also, to help keep the traditional Irish folk music alive.
Are any of you Irish?
Well, Corey & James have parents from Ireland and, thus, are dual-citizens … I have a great-grandfather from Galway … I think everyone has got some Irish heritage … it’s hard not to … we’re American after all and the Irish helped build this country.
Are the Irish truly lucky?
Let’s see … my great-great-grandfather was killed in Maine for being Irish Catholic … and there’s the whole history of English repression, including the Potato Famine … and then the Revolution and ensuing Civil War and the Troubles up in the North of Ireland … and yet the Irish still have a strong sense of identity and culture … I’d have to say that they’re more resolute than lucky!
What does the Corvallis music scene need most?
A raucous Irish band … especially for St. Patrick’s Day!
Any show highlights?
I seem to bust open my knuckle on the bodhrán with some regularity … I’ve got some good bloody streaks going on the drum
Jameson or Bushmills for Irish Whiskey?
Bushmills!
When is your next show?
We play at Fireworks in Southtown on Friday, August 8th at 8 pm/

Check us out at myspace.com/poitinandstout.

PAGE 5 and 6

WHO, WHERE, WHEN AND WHY

Go to www.corvalchemist.com/events/

The Juror by Star Anvil
he was weedy looking
slight in size
garrulous with much
to be garrulous about
was one who listened
after asking a question
comfortable with silences
required to frame answers
he was a hunter
self-described who brought
bones and antlers as gifts
after discussing my work
I thought of Gary Larson’s
bears peering back at scopes
while remarking on behaviors
so many cartoonists reverse
hands holding weaponry into
paws and brains strategizing
are those sabertootheds’ breaths
still so hot in species memory
that we choose fear first
then spend years controlling
or clearing up the mess?
is killing ever ennobled
by court sanctioned decisions?
BACK COVER

This is where the magic comes from. Our lovely venues sponsoring The Alchemist. Please support them and The Alchemist. Check out their event listing at www.corvalchemist.com/events

The Peacock - www.myspace.com/peacockbargrill
125 SW 2nd St. (541-754-8522)

Sahalie Wine Bar and Restaurant - www.sahaliewine.com
151 NW Monroe Ave (541-754-7457)

Bombs Away Cafe - www.bombsawaycafe.com
2527 NW Monroe Ave (541-757-7221)

Platinum - www.platinumvenue.com
126 SW 4th St. (541-738-6996)

Fireworks Restaurant and Bar - www.FireWorksVenue.com
On Hwy 99th in South Corvallis (541-754-6958)

The Downward Dog - www.drinkthedog.com
130 SW 1st St. (541-753-9990)

Block 15 - www.block15.com
300 SW Jefferson Ave. (541-758-2077)

Calapooia Brewing - www.calapooiabrewing.com
140 Hill St. Albany, OR (541-928-1931)

31 is better late than never

COVER:

Front page photo by Lickspigot

PAGE 1:

CORRECTIONS:
Nice work last week. Sometimes we get tired of one week of hard work too.
No corrections this week! BOOYAH!
ALCHEMIST - 30 READERS - 76

Isolation Density

I recently visited a friend who has moved to Albany. It may as well have been New York, based on the frequency of contact we now maintain. We reflected on the isolation brought on by even a short distance, the general rush-rush of life, and the lack of consideration we humans, as a species, afford one another. I would hazard that these conditions may be interrelated. As we try to survive our rapid culture, we must focus more on simply maintaining ourselves, and forget to look around.
Consider the adage, ‘Out of sight, out of mind.” I know I at least am guilty of totally spacing things off if they aren’t right in my face. Although only 10 miles away, it takes over half an hour to fight my way, and most of that time is travelling acrosss Albany. Regardless of where I travel, someone will block an intersection, dally in a lane, tailgate, or commit some other act that impedes the flow of traffic.
Any flow of humanity could be done with smoother motion. This doesn’t mean cutting in front of people because you are in a hurry. This doesn’t mean standing six inches from me as we wait in line for coffee. You won’t get served any faster. When I turn around to be face to face with you, don’t avert your eyes but maintain position. If you’re in my personal space I want you to interact with me. Don’t pretend I’m not there.
I know people try to cram many tasks or chores into this finite amount of time we have. That doesn’t make them neccessary. Often times they are simply habits we learn to deal with the tension we all feel. This tends to make us change what we perceive as important. I mean, getting kids to all their schools and activities, maintaining onesself and ones household, it may be all too much. Kids don’t learn to operate independently, and grow up maintaining this dependence.
Oh, by the way, this article wouldn’t seem so scattered except that my little life is pulling me and I am being self-centered. Someone just asked me for some assistance and I told them I was busy. My end point is that I am the most important being I need to consider. I ask you to think the same. You are valuable. The tough part is, so is everybody else.
I usually think I’m holding it together relatively well, but sometimes it’s a hassle to even tie my shoes in the morning. That happens to other people, too. Maybe not shoelaces, but something. I am inclined to remember a philosopher’s notion that life is hard for everybody and by helping to ease their burden we help ourselves.
So the Mr. Rogers moment is this: Slow down, be attentive of those surrounding us, perform some small courtesy(without expecting ANYTHING in return), and appreciate making someone else’s life a little simpler. CtJ
PAGE 2

Corvallis Poetry Slam
A Busy Month of Poetry

Having had the opportunity to see Buddy Wakefield perform at last months Slam, I got to thinking about how he, and other well known slam poets, have influenced not only me, but the other slammers around the world.   I see traces of peoples favorite poets in the stuff they write and perform. At last slam I can remember hearing nuances of (and if you haven’t heard of any of these folks I’m about to list, do yourself a favor and look them up on YouTube or something!) Buddy, of course, Anis Mojgani, Taylor Mali, Saul Williams, Ken Arkind, Samir Ahmed, Sophia Blackwell, and many more. It’s very amazing to see how this art has developed and I’m excited to see where it is going. With such talented wordsmiths influencing the next generation of poets we are sure to have some really incredible things being written and performed in the not too distant future. I had the great honor to follow the great Buddy Wakefield as sacrificial poet for the slam and my score reflected both his brilliance and the distance I have to go with my writing (I got a very humble 15.7). However, as the night progressed, I was absolutely amazed at the level of talent finally coming out of Corvallis (this was our first slam that didn’t have any out of towners in the winning ranks). This brings me to my next topic.
I recently had the great pleasure of bringing together 6 of my favorite local poets to perform together on stage for the first time. On Saturday, during the DaVinci days battle of the bands I was joined by Katie, Sarah, Dylan, Michael Sloan, Shady, and Jordan(my daughter) for three twenty minute rounds of some of the dopest poetry I’ve heard locally yet. It was really satisfying to see the local talent I always knew was here, come bubbling to the surface. Big ups, and many thanks you guys for making that possible!!! This will not be the only time you be able to catch this act if you missed it (many did, as attendance was shamefully sparse). I have been working on venues to host the poetry showcase, which I plan to keep going on a pretty regular basis with a solid rotation of local poets. If you’re interested drop me a line (soulsmoke01@gmail.com). I will be keeping y’all updated as to when and where.
And this is where I get to both brag and be a proud parent at the same time! The Davinci Days folks held a poetry slam this Sunday with both a youth and an adult categories. The first place winner for the youths was Jordan Hilts from Medford Oregon. Jordan is also my daughter. Unfortunately and regretfully, I was way to busy beaming to catch the names of the other 2 little girls who competed. Though I remember they did very well and definitely gave Jordan a run for her money (all $25 of it!).   And, yours truly took 1st place in the adult category, with Michael Sloan a very close second.
All that being said, our next Slam is coming up very shortly. We will be meeting at Sahalie Wine Cellar on July 31st at 7pm. The door charge will go back down to the usual $3 and the featured poet will be Los Angeles’ Mike the Poet:
Mike Sonksen, also known as, Mike the Poet, is widely acclaimed for his live performances, contributions to international publications & legendary city tours. Poet, journalist, historian, teacher, he’s published in the L.A. Citybeat, O.C. Weekly, New Angeles, Long Beach Business Journal, Kotori, L.A. Weekly & many others. Mike graduated from U.C.L.A. in 1997. His book I AM ALIVE IN LOS ANGeLES! has been added to the curriculum of local universities & received rave reviews.
UK tastemaker magazine Straight No Chaser says, “The appeal of I Am Alive in Los Angeles is its effortlessness.. All lovers of intricate wordplay, add this to your list.”
Over the last decade Mike has also become known for his L.A. City Tours. Flavorpill writes,
“No one knows LA’s mean streets, glittering façades, and lurid lights better than Mike the Poet — and no one can describe them better.”
We hope to see you there!!!       -BC

BARD IN THE QUAD:
OSU THEATRE PRESENTS A WORLD PREMEIRE ADAPTATION OF
SHAKESPEARE’S A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM
LAST WEEK!
When: July 30th - August 3rd, 7:00 pm
Where: Oregon State MU Quad
www.bardinthequad.org for tix

For the 2008 Oregon State University “Bard in the Quad” production, Scott Palmer has taken Shakespeare’s most beloved comedy and placed it in the chaotic, frenetic and highly stylized world of 1920’s Silent Film-Hollywood. The third installment in the hugely successful Summer Shakespeare program is A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Shakespeare’s most popular and best loved play.
Adapted and Directed by Palmer, whose Romeo and Juliet in 2006 and Much Ado About Nothing in 2007 broke all OSU box office records, the 2008 production includes the first ever three week performance schedule of fifteen shows over three weekends with an audience capacity of more than 7,500.
The 2008 production will be performed in the style of the great silent films of the early 1910s and 1920s, with fantastic costumes reminiscent of the Ziegfeld Follies and the great silent film comics… all under a midsummer night’s sky!
The show opens on July 16th for the first three week run in the University Theatre’s history, and plays each evening at 8:00pm (Wednesday through Sunday nights) until August 3rd. 2008. Tickets are $14 general admission, $10 students and seniors, and $7 for OSU students and can be reserved online at www.bardinthequad.org, by phone at 541 737 2784 or purchased in person at the Memorial Union business office during normal business hours Monday - Friday. There will also be a box office facility open in the Memorial Union Quad starting at 7:00pm on each performance evening.
A Midsummer Night’s Dream features a cast of more than 18 actors, including the return of visiting artist Maggie Chapin (who played Beatrice in last year’s Much Ado) as Bottom, and new visiting artist Johanne Scoular as Helena. All of the actors will be playing recognizable icons of Hollywood’s Silent Film Era (such as Rudolph Valentino, Theda Bara, Fanny Brice, Charlie Chaplin, Louise Brookes, and Harold Lloyd) as well as performing in the highly structured style of silent film actors of the era.
“This is probably the most challenging outdoor show I’ve ever directed,” said Palmer, who has been working on the adaptation for the past 4 months. “The script is very dense, and includes a lot of new materials, including original source material Shakespeare used when he dreamt up the story for A Midsummer Night’s Dream. We have included a lot of other materials, including Chaucer, Spenser, and even Edgar Allen Poe.”
Chapin, who is helping to coach the community and University actors in the production on the appropriate style of performance from the 1920’s, said, “There are so many things for the actors to learn and remember; how to act in the style of 1920’s silent films, how to move and react like the great silent comics like Chaplin and Lloyd, as well as tell the story and be heard. Not to mention how to drive a model T and how to line kick like Ziegfeld Follies dancers. It is going to be amazing.”
New visiting artist Johanne Scoular, originally from Glasgow, Scotland, has worked with Palmer on a number of other outdoor Shakespeare performances in Scotland and is the most experienced of all the actors in the challenges of performing the bard’s work in wide open spaces. Scoular, who has degrees in acting from the Central School of Speech and Drama in England and from the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York, is also assisting the younger actors with the style of the performance.
“Anyone who watches clips of silent films on youtube, or has seen movies starring the great comics of the 1920s, knows that this is a very challenging, very difficult style of performance to master,” Scoular said. “The gestures, facial expressions, movement, and reactions are all very highly choreographed and very dense?Well they had to be, since audiences in the 1920s couldn’t hear the words, the actors had to act only with their faces, eyes and bodies.”
The cast meets every evening for a 1 hour voice and body training session, followed by 2 to 3 additional acting style coaching sessions with Scoular and Chapin each week.
The result, said Palmer, “is a very complicated, extremely funny, and completely unique version of Dream.”
As with previous years, 2008’s Bard in the Quad will also feature a companion lecture series entitled Designing Shakespeare: The Bard on Film and By Design. The series will include lectures on a wide range of topics, including Palmer discussing his adaptation and analysis of Shakespeare’s original, film adaptations of Shakespeare’s work, examination of the influence of prohibition on the cultural life of American’s during the 1920s, among others.

PAGE 4

Pendleton, Oregon
by Brinkman

Pendleton Oregon -
What are your coordinates?
Do you have a face? Or are you the sphinx left disfigured by conflict and semi-automatics? Will you, have you, or do you thrive?
Pendleton Oregon –
Forgive me for asking so late in our dialogue, but are you still alive? Or has the boom of ’49 busted and taken with it, for all you know to be the entirety of mankind?
Pendleton Oregon –
Your existence in my existence would well…not exist without a gift from my grandfather. It was a jacket from you…
Pendleton Oregon –
He paraded through streets wearing it following his return from the South Pacific.
Fred, my grandfather, has long since passed, as has my own father.
Pendleton Oregon –
Did you kill them?
I would not judge or grudge against you, for I am merely just curious as a George.
Oh Pendleton Oregon –
Can I be you without you being me? A teacher once answered that with a no.
Pendleton Oregon –
Looking for second opinions on things, diagnosis, and facts shows my stubbornness. I’d bet you.
Pendleton Oregon –
Trump my stubbornness and persistence tenfold. For I am human, a tangible box filled with infinite, intangibles. Nothing more, nothing less. Some days I long to be brick and mortar like you.
Pendleton Oregon –
Alas alas, through the ramblings, skull duggering, and tom foolery, remember this!
Your sometimes plaid, but always brown, 100 percent virgin wool, overcoats and jackets will long out live you.
Pendleton Oregon –

LOCAL ROCKERS TAKE ON PLATINUM

WHO: Honest To Empire | Dark Angelic | No City Lights
WHERE: Club Platinum (126 SW 4th St.)
WHEN: FRIDAY, AUGUST 1ST, 9:00 PM

Fresh off of their OSU Battle of the Bands victory this past May, Honest to Empire are playing in Corvallis after the summer has found them all over Oregon. The band, which formed in 2005, has played a number of shows to date and even released their first EP, “On the Horizon” on June 6th after months of post-production.
The band (vocals/keys- Roland Ashton, Guitar- Justin Gibson, bass- Peter Mart, drums- Charley McGowan, guitar- Ryan Ronnander) all of which attend OSU minus their charismatic drummer, have been making many strides to further establishing their name outside of the Corvallis area by playing a number of shows around Oregon. They’ve been spreading their wave of progressive rock mixed with Gibson’s orgasmic solos and Ashton’s heaven-sent voice with the greatest of ease.
This summer, the band has already opened up a cage match and a fashion show. They now turn their heads to Club Platinum where they will headline on August 1st.
The band’s first show at the club is even sweeter as all the members are finally 21, while Ronnander will be celebrating his 22nd birthday at midnight after the show. So, needless to say, knowing the band, the party will not be over once the show is over.
` Ronnander, who held down the production of the band’s album, is currently hard at work producing another album for the band Dark Angelic, who coincidentally will be opening for Honest to Empire on the 1st.
With their high-energy live shows, Dark Angelic stormed onto the Corvallis music scene in November and hasn’t ceased their convergence of metal and live entertainment. With a heavier sound than other acts in the Corvallis area, these metal-heads are currently recording their first EP, “Between Two Worlds” which they hope to have finished by the end of the year.
The band (vocals- Craig Bidiman, bass- Evan Connet, guitar- Ben Doron, drums- Dylan Hallyburton, guitar- Alex Imlay) is a little over a year old now and after a couple lineup changes has found themselves in a great position to further the local scene. Doron and Imlay have developed a striking partnership with their complementing styles and creative song structures while Hallyburton keeps the audience on their toes with his never-ending eccentric drum patterns.
Dark Angelic have been spending their summer devising the rest of the material for their album while preparing for a few shows scattered throughout.
Charley McGowan and Craig Bidiman have established the Oregon State Musician’s Guild, a fellowship for OSU bands to gather, play shows, make music, and develop more projects to further strengthen the Corvallis music scene.
At the 2008 Battle of the Bands, eight of the 12 bands competing were apart of the guild.
Starting out the show will be local house party favorites, No City Lights. No City Lights features Ross Goodman on guitar/vocals, Neal Vosberg on guitar, Travis Perkins on drums/percussion, and Jordan Bentz on bass.
You can check out these bands at their respective Myspace pages:
www.myspace.com/
honesttoempire
darkangelicosu
nocitylights

-Craig Bidiman

PAGE 5 and 6

WHO, WHERE, WHEN AND WHY

Go to www.corvalchemist.com/events/

BACK COVER

This is where the magic comes from. Our lovely venues sponsoring The Alchemist. Please support them and The Alchemist. Check out their event listing at www.corvalchemist.com/events

The Peacock - www.myspace.com/peacockbargrill
125 SW 2nd St. (541-754-8522)

Sahalie Wine Bar and Restaurant - www.sahaliewine.com
151 NW Monroe Ave (541-754-7457)

Bombs Away Cafe - www.bombsawaycafe.com
2527 NW Monroe Ave (541-757-7221)

Platinum - www.platinumvenue.com
126 SW 4th St. (541-738-6996)

Fireworks Restaurant and Bar - www.FireWorksVenue.com
On Hwy 99th in South Corvallis (541-754-6958)

The Downward Dog - www.drinkthedog.com
130 SW 1st St. (541-753-9990)

Block 15 - www.block15.com
300 SW Jefferson Ave. (541-758-2077)

Calapooia Brewing - www.calapooiabrewing.com
140 Hill St. Albany, OR (541-928-1931)

ALSO SPONSORING THIS WEEK:

Stoker’s VitaWorld - 216 SW Third St. (541-754-8487)

Issues 31 and 32 will be delayed for online consumption

THE GUILTY PARTIES WILL BE OUT OF STATE AND MIND UNTIL AUG. 7TH WHEN THEY RETURN FROM CHICAGO AFTER ATTENDING THE LOLLAPALOOZA MUSIC FESTIVAL.

It’s okay to be jealous. We would be too.

COVERS:

Front page photo by Lickspigot

The Dirty 30

COVER:

Front page photo by Barrett Chapman

PAGE 1:

CORRECTIONS:
Well, now that we provoked your attention you let us have it.
Thanks for nothing.
pg 3 (Oregon Trail Brewery…) “Once there I was exposed to many wonderous beer styles., from…”
pg. 5 “In fact mas has put a…” (Mas is a proper noun)
Pg 5 Col 2 P 2: Reads “ … Fire Protection Agency… Should Read “… Fire Protection Association…”
Pg 3 col 3 P 4 Reads” …roommate had not been permitted to possess…”
Should read” If the felon had not been permitted to keep on breathing…”
p2 (daVinci Days Poetry Slam) - “Linda Varsell Smith; 753-3335l” — extra “l” in there
pg 7….. Sahakie host The Douglas Detrick Quintet

ALCHEMIST - 25 READERS - 76

Deep Sh!t
Reader Submission
Reader Submission
God is good, God is great. He (She, It, etc.) is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent. Then why, why, why the bullshit we have to deal with? It’s ridiculous, for such a Creator to allow shit to happen. The wars, murders, rapes. The lost keys, the dog shitting in your shoe, the stain on your brand-new shirt. I don’t see how it’s possible for God’s omni-qualities to all be true, given the depressing amount of negative actions in the world. Unless…God has a doppelganger of some kind running around in His shadow, screwing things up. An evil demon crying for the easy way out; a two-timing trickster blaming cause with no effect, “It’s not my fault!”. The Chinese figured this out long ago: consider the yin-yang. A comparison of two opposites, two parts of the same whole, interconnected, inseparable. Light: dark; good: evil; God: Satan. Fallen angel, whatever, He (She, It, etc.) is no subordinate, by view of the yin-yang, but a complete equal. And a complete opposite. Newton’s Third Law: every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Not true for just physics, but also theology. For each action of God’s, there is one of Satan’s. When God created the universe, he took a break on the seventh day. And this is when Satan had his say. He took a massive steaming dump on God’s grand plan, inserted a cancer virus in the universal programming code. And this is why we have this crazy, chaotic life: hateful and lovable, beautiful and ugly, violent and tender, stupid and smart, yin and yang.
-Gustav

Response to this week’s Deep Sh!t:
Gustav, go check out Why Bad Things Happen to Good People by Rabbi Harold Ku shner. Even Jesus asked, “God, why have you forsaken me?” once up on the cross.
Should we also ask, “Why do good things happen to bad people?”
It is also interesting to note that the idea of God allows us an opportunity to parry responsibility for our actions or the things that happen to us. “Don’t worry God has a plan,” after a tragedy or “I’d like to thank God for helping me win this Grammy Award.”
In the very same way that we can plant these things on Godly shoulders, the idea of Satan seems to remove the responsibility of evil from God. But, in the end, isn’t it truly the responsibility of such a powerful entity when It continues to allow Satan’s presence?
So, then, if Satan is responsible for wreaking such havoc on the Earth, causing pain and anguish, would Satan be justified in claiming responsibility for the beauty and love in the world? If there were no pain, we would know no pleasure. If things never got tough, we’d always take life for granted.
It’s hard to not commend a character that is willing to say, “Yes, I know I hurt you and it is my fault, but now you have gained experience and perspective.” After all if things didn’t get tough, we’d never learn anything.
And for that, we thank you, Satan.

PAGE 2

Solicitation and the Selling of Souls

M-W.com definition #3a for “solicit” is “to entice or lure especially into evil”

The phone awakened me at 7:05 a.m. last Monday morning. If my phone rings that early, it’s historically relatives or an emergency. More recently, I am hearing from telemarketers. Years ago, I made the request to the phone company to block these calls. I have also asked the Post Office to not allow bulk mail to be sent to my address. Both efforts were successful, oh, for about six months.
When I drowsily picked up the phone, a pleasant voice with an Indian(dot not feather) accent tried to interest me in some sort of television satellite dish kind of thing. I don’t have a television. Haven’t for a long time. And for many a good reason. Besides very little programming of intellectual value, one is bombarded with advertising. I didn’t waste oxygen explaining this to the solicitor, I simply said, “Do you know what time it is here? Are you even on this continent?! You need to die!” I woke up enough to realize what I had said, felt myself smile, and fell right back to sleep. No kidding.
If I want something, I go looking for it. I don’t need to be accosted on the street, and I don’t need my privacy at home violated. I can respond to bulk mailing at my convenience, and this usually entails recycling without reading. Phones are noisy, insistent things that mechanically demand attention. My response to telemarketing has usually been the “Please take me off your list.” option when dealing with a recording. My growing desire is to respond to live persons with offensive statements and profanity.
Then I stupidly went looking for trouble. An item I have been looking for was available at Amazon.com, and I was offered a $30 credit if I applied for an Amazon.com VISA. This would have (will) cut the item price almost in half. I patiently completed the information form, was approved, and returned to the “check out” screen. Ironically, a friend of mine seeing what I was about to do said, “Oh, I see you’ve sold your soul to the devil.” I said yes, thinking of something years ago, and wondering how he knew…
Then I tried to check out. They wanted my Amazon.com VISA number. I called Amazon.com. I called Chase Bank. I checked my e-mail for information sent from Amazon. None of the six or seven people I spoke with could or would give me my VISA number as a security measure. Not even when I recited my Social Security number and my password. I tried logic. Finally, frustrated, I asked the last person how they could ethically do their job when they knew it caused such inconveniences.
Now I am waiting “7-10 business days” for the card, after which I will purchase the item and destroy the card. But thankfully, I am reminded of two things. First, everybody needs to eat, and sometimes that means doing an unsavory job. I need to be more sympathetic to the individuals doing the solicitation, and get off the phone (and be removed from their call list) as quickly as possible. Second, for me, responding to remote sales (items not directly or immediately available) most often results in disappointment. Sadly, I had learned this lesson with comic book sea monkeys. I’m just stupid thinking it would be any different this time. tcj

Whiteside Theatre Public Information Meeting and Membership Drive
Date: Tuesday July 22, 2008
Time: 7 - 8:30 pm
Place: Corvallis Benton Public Library
large meeting room, 645 NW Monroe, Corvallis

Purposes:
1) Presentation about the Whiteside Theatre (recent accomplishments, future plans, and opportunities to be involved).
2) Membership drive – Everyone who joins by tonight as a paying member of the Friends of the Whiteside Theatre is eligible to vote on the permanent board of directors at the Whiteside Theatre Foundation Annual Membership Meeting on July 29. Please bring cash or check to the meeting, or join online with a secure credit card payment by July 15 at http://whitesidetheatre.org

Playing with Fire
By
Ron Garnett

Note to Mother;
Dear Mom,
Remember the direction you gave me when I was kid? “Don’t play with fire.” Well…sorry about this, but its fun and exciting. And, yes, as you predicted, I grew up to be just as stubborn as an adult.
Your son,
Ron

P.S. Check this out
In a secluded backyard, in south Corvallis, under a full moon, a ritual, old by the time the pyramids were built, plays out in our time to a crowd of approving guests and spectators. The main attraction is fire and those who dance with it.
In fact this is not a ritual at all, but a rehearsal by a troupe of fire performers known as Visual Tonic…and their gig is hot.
They do hire out for private parties and do invite people to their rehearsals. You can contact the group through Mas at 541-908-0204.
(Picture spread in hard copy versi

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